


Desiderium

by DragonofFernweh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Deidara/OC - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Sasori/OC - Freeform, an old work i rewrote!, it was very self indulgent so...the rewrite is too tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11821668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonofFernweh/pseuds/DragonofFernweh
Summary: Two young siblings didn't plan for their lives to get tangled up with that of two Akatsuki, nor did they plan to love them. When they're captured by the artistic duo and taken back as captives, their world shifts and they find themselves struggling to make sense of the changes happening around them. They start to find a home in the Akatsuki, and a love for their captors. But, is it meant to last?





	1. Chapter 1

_There are two types of people who can't look you in the eyes; someone trying to hide a lie, and someone trying to hide a love._

ღ

"If we don't take a break soon, I'm going to perish."

I cut my eyes towards my brother, Alex, watching as he raised his hand to shield his face from the sun. It was indeed hot, but he was being a tad melodramatic. "Exaggeration much?" I asked, stumbling a bit over the loose gravel under my feet. We'd been following the river for a couple of miles now, heading for Amegakure. It was the nearest village and we needed to restock on a few things, at least what little we carried on our backs. I never let us stay for too long in any one place. We had nothing to run from, not specifically, but places tended not to look too kindly on homeless teenagers cluttering up their streets. You know how the rich liked their view to be all pretty storefronts and flowers, god forbid they be reminded that the lower class existed.

I glanced at the clear blue of the rushing river, debating the safety of drinking it. Well, there were two options; get a little stomach-ache from unclean water, or get a little dead from dehydration. "All right, we can stop for a little while. But we have to get to shelter before nightfall!" I tacked on the warning at the end, but I already knew Alex had stopped listening as soon as I'd granted the break. He dropped to the ground near the river, cupping his hands and drinking with greedy swallows. I sighed, watching with a fond smile. It wasn't a lavish lifestyle, but we had each other. That was more than I could say for countless other orphans, left alone to fend for themselves. Alex and I had always had each other, being born only a year apart. I'd all but raised him, after all.

"Thank god," Alex muttered, water dripping down his chin. His dark hair gleamed violet in the sunlight as he tilted his head back, panting. "We have to find a better way of travel. My legs feel like they're fifty years old while the rest of me is still seventeen."

I snorted at the creative depiction, almost choking on the swallow of river water I'd taken. Once I'd cleared the water from my mouth (and lungs) I sat back on my heels. "Your brain is fifty too, no one complains better than the old," I teased. He raised a rather impolite gesture at me. I could complain, but truth be told, he'd probably picked the habit up from me.

"How long 'til we reach Ame?" Alex asked, puffing his fringe out of his eyes. Absently, I noticed his hair was growing longer, a touch past his ears. My own hair was down to my chin, any longer and I'd have to take a knife to it. Longer hair became matted too fast.

I remembered my brother had asked a question when he tossed a smooth stone at me, hitting my knee. "Watch it," I warned. "It'll be a day or so, depending on how fast we feel like moving."

Alex groaned, "I don't feel like moving at all."

I was glad he was complaining, it meant I didn't have to admit to wanting to camp out already, myself. The heat of summer and the uneven trail to trek across was exhausting. It was tedious and harsh, and I doubted we'd find much comfort even in the village. Hotels were too expensive, Alex and I tended to camp outside or find little hovels to spend a night in. We weren't decorated, but we were making it.

"The classy life of a rogue shinobi, eh?" Alex drawled, snapping me from my planning ahead. "Kill a couple criminals, earn a few coins? Maybe we can afford a bed for a night or two."

"Not a lot of people like hiring a scruffy kid," I reminded Alex. I didn't want to confess to hating doing dirty work, not unless we were assassinating a truly awful person. I'd put an arrow between a rapist's eyes without getting paid, but a common thief? Hell, my brother and I stole from time to time. But, you did what you had to when your belly was starved.

I heard the distant sound of twigs crackling suddenly, prompting me to rise to my feet and stiffen in preparation. My ears pricked up, pointed and as attuned as the wolf my kind were named for. I was a Lupus ibrida, while my younger brother had been born a Feles, and he took after it well, being as meticulous and as sneaky as any cat. I had inherited my traits from our mother, and Alex from our father. Also like my mother, I was paranoid and cautious. After a few moments of silence, I deduced it must've been an animal traipsing along. That, or I was hearing things, and that was never a good sign.

"Everything good?" Alex asked as I went to sit beside him, once I'd deemed things safe.

"Must've been an animal or the wind," I reassured. My fingers found their way into Alex's hair, where I began to comb through it. As short as it was, at least it didn't tangle easily. Alex hummed in contentment.

"Do you remember being little, and mom would braid our hair? She liked when I let mine grow out." Alex smiled at the memory as he shared it. I did remember, but unlike Alex, memories only felt bitter to me. I felt cheated and like we'd gotten robbed of everything that could have been.

I grit my teeth and smiled anyway. "You liked when she would sing while doing it. Remember the flower crowns she would make when we went out to the meadow?" I grinned. It had been years, but I remembered everything with vivid clarity. I had been nine when we last saw our parents. Alex, then eight, had mostly good memories, still. I'd tried to protect him from what had happened, to keep his images of home and our family untainted.

"Sometimes, I still wish we were back home," Alex wistfully murmured. Guilt welled inside me, but there was nothing I could do. They'd burned it down, a town barely on the map had gotten burned off completely. Now, it was a speck of ash to anyone who happened across it. I'd left my memories amongst the ashes, but Alex hadn't, and I couldn't ask him to. Instead, I sighed, and set my hand on his shoulder.

"We have a home in each other," I reminded him. "We can rebuild a house of our own, someday. We can even get a dog, like you always wanted!" Our mother hadn't let us have one. Now, I was glad she didn't. It would've been one more thing those vagabonds had stolen from us. Alex and I hadn't been the only survivors in the ruins of our tiny town, but everyone had gone their own separate ways. Back then, I had wanted to stick with someone. Now, I no longer cared what had happened to them. If they couldn't take Alex and me in, they were bastards who deserved what came to them.

My brother and I ended up homeless and nomadic, resorting to extreme measures to feed and clothe ourselves. After nine years, I'd say we were pretty damn good at taking care of ourselves, something that took most others their whole lives to learn. We had something to be proud of, at least. "But, between us," I whispered, "sometimes I wish the same." Alex leaned against me then, a quiet moment passing between us.

Out of nowhere, my skin prickled and my hair stood on end. The very air around me grew tense and staticky, screaming of something wrong, but time crawled to a stop before I could stand and figure out what it was. Panicked, I grabbed Alex's shoulder and yanked him to the side, pushing him to the ground and covering him. My heart pounded in my ears.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

_BOOM!_

The ground ahead of us exploded in a flash of light and a deafening echo. My ears were ringing even after the explosion had dissipated, but I was hesitant to move in case the grass beneath my feet exploded. I could hear, but it was muffled. That was why it took me a moment to realize that the voice speaking was coming from a complete, and clearly dangerous, stranger. I sat up and off Alex, but my body was shaky and I was still too disoriented to get a grip.

"What'd I tell you, yeah? Art is transient, it's beautiful, it's a bang!" I heard an unfamiliar male voice exclaim, his gleeful tone bleeding through the ringing. I struggled to regain my composure so that we could make a quick escape, hopeful that the man hadn't noticed us. Faster than my senses, though, was Alex's temper.

He pushed me the rest of the way off, where I sat unhurt in the grass, watching as he bolted upright. "Oi, dumbass!" Alex shouted, "what the hell is wrong with you?! You could have killed us!"

Well, there went my brilliant plan of escaping and hiding. Panic crawled up my throat, worried about getting involved with the perpetrator of such a powerful explosion. I cursed Alex's short fuse as much as myself for agreeing to take a break, we should have just kept going and not sought out trouble.

Sitting up, I caught sight of a great white bird hovering above the ground, not more than a few feet away. A young man sat aboard the lifeless looking creation. He had been so close, had he been nearby all that time? I'd not noticed him once! "Oh yeah?" the man asked, cocking his head and causing his long golden hair to fall more into his face. "And what's a little boy like you going to do about it, un?" he asked, amusement shining in his voice. I was hoping to brush the incident off and get out of the mess unscathed, maybe use the blond's apparent humor to my advantage, but Alex had other ideas.

He stood, his fists clenched at his sides. "I'll kick your teeth into your lungs," he snapped, rage glinting in his eyes.

I kicked his ankle before rushing to stand. "Shut up," I hissed at him quietly, for only us to hear, "quit it before you get us—"

…in trouble. It was too late.

The young man hopped down from the bird and landed on our side of the river, too close for comfort. A sneer painted on his face made him look menacing, and a shudder raced down my back. "Well, well, look what we've got here, Sasori no Danna," the man clicked his tongue as he appraised both Alex and me. "Two little kids out by themselves, yeah. That's pretty dangerous, you shouldn't be out all alone. Don't you know things lurk around here, waiting for a pretty face to wander past to take advantage of?" A wicked sneer curled the blond's lips. Off to the side I heard a faint sigh, and I could only presume it was the "Sasori" person the blond had addressed, though I still couldn't see anyone else.

I swallowed my heart where it'd jumped up into my throat. "We don't want any trouble," I said, hoping to diffuse the situation. "We're just passing through, let us go."

"Yeah, what the fuck do you want with a couple of 'kids' after all?" Alex snarked. I cursed him under my breath and shot him a look.

The stranger also aimed a look towards my brother, causing a chill to overcome me as his blue eye narrowed in observation. I started for Alex, but the blond was closer at the moment, having landed only a foot or so from my brother. I gasped as his arm shot out and grabbed Alex by the hair, yanking him forward. Alex cried out, his hands reaching up and digging his nails into the blond's wrist, but it hardly appeared to faze the shinobi. He was wearing a headband, but I hadn't caught sight of the symbol, yet.

"Mouthy bitch," Deidara smirked. He glanced sideways at me, and then turned his head to call over his shoulder. "Oi, Danna, I say we take these two with us. A couple extra pairs of hands, maybe the occasional stress relief," he smirked down into Alex's face. My brother's efforts to free himself were violent, but futile. "Been a while since we took captives with a pretty face, un."

My heart was starting to ache inside my chest, racing too fast for me to keep up with it. "Let go of him!" I shouted, bringing both my hands up. I was fully prepared to electrocute the bastard in front of me (and maybe shock my brother a bit by accident, but all in the name of saving his life) when, from behind me, I heard an unfamiliar voice start to speak. A sharp pain stabbed me in the back suddenly, drawing a cry from my mouth.

It happened in seconds. The first second I was stunned, a hot fire spreading across my back. The second, my arms dropped, limp, and I found my muscles wouldn't respond to me right. It was as if they were filled with lead and were too heavy to lift. The third, I was collapsing to the ground, unable to hold myself up. My head began to pound, dizziness and nausea overwhelming me; combined with panic, they were a deadly concoction. Darkness was starting to pull across my vision. I could hear Alex screaming my name, but I could do nothing to assure him I was all right, that everything was going to be all right. "Now, that isn't any way to behave. We've all but saved your lives," the unfamiliar, masculine voice warned. Saved my life, by stabbing me, poisoning me? I wanted to scream, to sling every obscenity I had in storage at the man.

"Leader-sama won't be pleased with extra mouths to feed," he sighed. Boredom shrouded his tone, along with an edge of annoyance. I worried that he would disagree with the blond man and instead decide to kill Alex and me. I wasn't about to die like that, completely unable to stand a chance. "But," the man, who I had yet to see, continued, "we'll see if they can prove their worth."

Frantic to regain control of my body, I sucked in shallow breaths, struggling fervently to move my prone limbs. Not even my fingers would twitch in response. I sank further into the darkness, unconsciousness falling over me too fast for me to battle it. My eyelids fluttered despite my exhaustion as I clung to consciousness. The last thing I saw was a man standing above me, the grey in his eyes reminding me of a storm. I watched his lips move as he knelt close to me, but I was too far gone to hear what he said.

I dreamt of storm clouds and my brother screaming for me.

* * *

" _Let…now…!"_

" _Let…right now…you bastard!"_

"Let us go right now, you bastard!" The shouting voice snapped into jarring clarity, the muffled words jumping out at me and making my ears ring with the volume. I bolted upright, the chill of the stone floor beneath me having seeped into my flesh past my clothes. I shuddered with the cold as I whipped my head around, struggling to find the source of the shouting voice. I had no idea where I was, nor why I was there. My memory was fuzzy and mottled with blank spots.

I spotted Alex in front of me, banging his fists on a stone door as he shouted at it. The sight of him awake and obviously well enough to get angry filled me with relief—we were alive and we were together, that alleviated two of my biggest fears. "Alex," I rasped, my throat raw and dry.

His head snapped to the side, the dark ears atop his head perking up from where he'd had them flat against his hair in his fury. "Finally," he said, his arms dropping from the door as his whole body sagged. "Thank god. You've been out for over an hour."

I was about to speak when, from the other side of the door, came a loud banging. "Shut the fuck up in there!" a man shouted. I could just picture him snarling through the door.

Alex stood up on trembling legs to walk towards me, where he collapsed over me and straddled my legs to throw his arms around me. I could feel him shaking, his angry bravado giving way to fear. I was scared, too. Scared, and confused and more than a little pissed off. "Are you hurt?" I asked, hugging him back and hiding my face against his shoulder. I was the older sister, the one who was supposed to be strong, but all I wanted was to hide against my brother and cry. Getting kidnapped by strange, obviously dangerous men could make the toughest of people crumble a little, okay?

"That man—the one with the red hair—he hit you with that needle and you went down like a rock. I thought he'd killed you," Alex whispered into my hair.

My thoughts were still jumbled and my body ached, but I could move, and that's all that mattered to me. "It was a poison, nothing serious. I wouldn't worry unless I start seeing weird stuff, okay?" I reassured, rubbing Alex's back. I couldn't fathom the level of my terror if I'd seen what Alex had, if I'd presumed my brother dead. I felt guilty when it wasn't my fault, thus that guilt soon turned into anger. "Where are we? Where are the men?"

Alex fell silent. I didn't take it as a good sign. "Alex? What is it, what did you learn?" It'd only occurred to me then that Alex might have been awake throughout the whole ordeal. "What happened while I was out?"

"One question at a time, will you?" Alex hissed, pulling away some to look at me. "It…nothing bad happened. The man, the one with blond hair? He flew the three of us back on his bird, the man who stabbed you came on foot, I haven't seen him since. Blondie dragged me and you in here and locked us in. They're…"

Alex trailed off and didn't pick up again until I nudged him to go on. With a broken-up expression, Alex sucked in a weak breath. "They're Akatsuki. They took us to their hideout. I don't know what they're going to do with us, Amaya…The blond only said he'd be back after talking with their leader."

My heart started pounding over Alex's voice, thrumming in my ears, in my throat, choking me until I could scarcely breathe. Akatsuki? Why would the Akatsuki kidnap two rogues—two teenagers with nothing to offer? Of course, I knew their base was in Ame, but I'd never considered them a threat. I never considered I would run into any of them, much less head on. "Oh my god," I muttered under my breath, my hands tightening on Alex's shoulders.

We weren't going to get out of here.

The door creaked open then, making both of us stiffen. I held my breath as the door shoved forward and someone stepped through, a different man than the ones who had brought Alex and me here. His silver hair was slicked away from his face, and when he turned to face us, his lips turned up in a fierce sneer. "Shit, you didn't say they were together. What the fuck did I interrupt?" the man snickered. Repulsion churned in my gut as Alex stood up, pointing an accusatory finger towards the still sneering man.

"We're fucking siblings, you dumbass," Alex snapped, "where's that blond idiot? What do you want with us?" The smirk fell right off the man's face as he listened to my brother's sharp words. The air grew tense and heavy and, for a moment, I anticipated an ugly fight. That was when someone else stepped from behind the door, someone who sent a chill down my back.

Stormy grey eyes landed on me as the redheaded man stepped in front of the other seething man. He gave me a once over before he raised one hand, indicating I rise. "Stand up," he ordered, his voice cool with indifferent commandeering. It brooked no argument in spite of its carelessness, certainly not from me. My nails scrambled against the floor as I hurried to stand, my legs feeling like jelly as they supported me.

The redhead approached and circled me. I felt much like an animal on display, I couldn't tell if he was appraising me or inspecting me for injury. If I had any, they were his fault in the first damn place. Finally, he came to a stop in front of me. I had to tilt my head up some to keep eye contact, as if I didn't feel intimidated enough. "My partner and I have consulted with our leader, and he's chosen to keep you at our sides." The man launched into an explanation before I had even fully gained my equilibrium. It was all I could do to keep up. "From this time forward, you belong to the Akatsuki. You'll be coming with me."

Why? What? For what purpose could the Akatsuki possibly have in keeping two homeless teenagers, hardly ninja, in their grasp? The realization that my brother and I may very well have become slaves to the Akatsuki shook me to my core. I flinched when the redheaded man sighed, my mind reeling as I worked to decipher everything he'd told me. "We aren't worth that trouble," I dryly said. The man from earlier snorted as he took his leave, with one final cut of his violet eyes towards me.

The blond from earlier slipped past him, swaggering through the door with all the power of someone who had just won. What he'd won out on made me sick to think about; my brother was not a prize to be gloated over. "The boy is mine, yeah," he grinned something wicked. "It's always more fun when they fight, ne, Sasori?" He lifted his chin arrogantly, looking down at Alex as if challenging him. Alex rose to the call, lunging forward and shoving the blond back.

"You're sick, let us out of here!" Alex snarled, his teeth glinting as he bared them. If I could have told him to shut up, I would've, if only to spare us more danger.

The blond beat me to the punch as he pushed off the wall he'd landed against when my brother shoved him. "Too late, pretty boy, you two are ours, now."

He started for my brother and something in me snapped. I pulled away from the redhead (Sasori, I had to remind myself) when he went to grab for me, earning an impatient huff from him. Good, if I was going to take a stand I might as well piss them both off. "Don't you lay a hand on him!" I warned.

The blond threw his head back with a laugh, his eyes gleaming with glee. "This is rich, yeah. Finally, something exciting around here!"

Sasori's hand clamped around my arm before I could take another step, his fingers digging into my flesh. "Fun for you, perhaps. I don't have the time for you to drag me into your messes," Sasori said, his eyes aiming a hard look towards his partner. "I'm taking the girl back. Try to keep that one alive, Deidara."

Deidara and Sasori, I would try to commit that to memory. Sasori dropped my arm then, prompting me to glance towards him as he raised his right hand. If he thought for a second I would walk out and make this easy on him, he—

"What the hell?!" My panicked words bubbled forward when my body began to walk forward, entirely without my permission. I caught sight of Sasori's fingers moving, the faint glimmer of blue making goosebumps rise on my skin. Chakra strings, he was a puppet master, a manipulator.

Having someone reach inside you and control your body was one of the most terrifying feelings I have ever, and probably would ever experience, and there wasn't a thing I could do to save myself from it. Sasori led me out of the room and down a thin corridor, out into a maze of stone hallways and dim lights. It was all dizzying to drink in, by the time we arrived at a door, I couldn't even say how we'd gotten there. Sasori reached past me to open the door, where he shoved me inside the room none too kindly.

From down the same corridor I heard Deidara call out to us. "We have a mission for tomorrow, Danna. Pein-Sama wants us to test their skill, yeah!"

Sasori tilted his head back with a sigh, as if the mere thought burdened him. "If you would let us go, you wouldn't have to suffer so much," I remarked. My mouth snapped shut at the frigid look Sasori aimed towards me. I could still hear Alex cussing up a furious storm before Sasori shut the door, blocking any view I might've had of my brother.

I swallowed when Sasori turned to look at me. Discomfort prickled my skin as Sasori studied me, making me feel like I had high expectations to meet under his scrutiny and I was failing all of them. When he finally turned away from me, I exhaled a sigh of relief, but couldn't remember when I'd started holding my breath. Sasori slipped the black and red cloak off his shoulders to toss it onto his bed, and without his gaze boring into me, I felt brave enough to speak.

"Where are we? Why did you bring my brother and me here?" I asked, hoping to gain even the slightest insight as to what the fuck was going on. Were we meant to be allies to the Akatsuki? Or were we servants, slaves to Sasori and his partner?

Sasori kept his back turned to me as he approached his desk and picked up a scroll, taking several seconds to answer me. All the while I shifted my weight from foot to foot impatiently, imploring him to speak. "You're at our Ame base," he eventually said, and a part of me wondered if he'd been debating how much he should reveal to me. "Deidara's decision was of reckless boredom, but our leader chose to keep you to gauge your worth. An extra pair of hands perhaps wouldn't hurt, but make no mistake, if you get in our way we won't hesitate to dispose of you."

Well, I hadn't any doubts, but I appreciated him clearing it up. It was ironic, wasn't it? So much so it almost made me laugh. Alex and I had tried so hard to lead a life without breaking the law, to get by without any trouble. Now we were trapped, enslaved by two of the most dangerous men in the world in an infamous organization. Luck and fate didn't look too kindly on us, did it?

Jarring me from my thoughts, a small explosion shook through the walls. The resounding "Boom!" that echoed made me flinch, and I watched as Sasori rolled his eyes. It was as if he was familiar with it happening, even if it still irritated him. He set down the scroll with a slam as he turned around. "He's going to kill us all one day," he grumbled, "Deidara!"

He went for the door, but before he could leave, I stopped him. "So… _Danna_ , what am I supposed to do while you're gone?"

Sasori glowered at me, not half as amused as I was. It was abundantly clear he had a short fuse. I was still trying to decide if that could work in my favor or against it.

Taking in a slow breath, like he was trying not to lose his temper on me already, Sasori schooled his expression into something more neutral. "You aren't to touch anything without explicit permission," he warned. "The bathroom is through the door to the right. You're to sleep in the corner by the window and be quiet, understood?"

He slammed the door in my face before I could say anything. Inwardly, I thought that sleeping in the forest was better than that, as I went to take a seat in my corner. Outside, the grass was softer and there was a view instead of the depressing sight of stone around me.

Feeling nosy, I peered over at the tools covering Sasori's desk, a messy array of screws and other small pieces I couldn't name. They must be tools Sasori used to work on his puppets. I had never met someone like Sasori, who could manipulate things with chakra strings, I'd only heard tales. Now I know why; it was chilling to even think about, much less witness and experience.

From down the corridor, I listened to the sound of Sasori and Deidara's combined voices yelling, along with what I thought sounded like Alex's laugh. I grimaced when footsteps headed back to the room and Sasori stormed inside, all silent anger and the promise of trouble. The moment he turned to look at me, I averted my gaze to the floor. "You look dirty," Sasori told me, taking me off guard. "You need to wash off."

"You know how to flatter someone, don't you, Danna?" I drawled out the name I'd stolen from Deidara. The nickname appeared to annoy him, and that bestowed me some satisfaction. Too bad it didn't last long.

Sasori narrowed his eyes, and I knew I was in deep. He headed for me and knelt in front, too close. I pressed my back against the cold wall behind me, but it offered no protection. "Listen, girl," he spoke slowly, certain to make me catch every syllable. "I don't have the patience to deal with any nonsense from you. Respect and listen to me and it will be easier for both of us, understood?"

Feeling numb, I nodded my head, not brave enough to open my mouth and talk. I had to find the line and know when I shouldn't cross it, but it was next to invisible with Sasori, and already I'd almost gone too far. I recoiled some as Sasori stood straight, walking away and heading towards the closet on the left. He pulled out a shirt, something crisp and clean, and tossed it towards me. "You'll wear that until I can get you something else."

He left me with that, the silence that fell over the room cold and not half as relieving as I'd hoped for. I scrambled towards the door to try and open it, as if I might somehow magically find a way to escape with my brother in tow. I wouldn't have to worry about it, though, the door was locked and wasn't budging. In my frustration, I kicked it with a swear. I was getting locked up like a fucking dog to wait on its owner to come back. My entire life had changed in the span of a day. I was too used to freedom to get caged away!

I snatched the shirt as I went to shower, pettily deciding to use as much of the hot water as I could. Once I'd stripped down, I discovered something that had slipped past me. Something horrifying. Around my ankle, there was a metal bracelet. No wonder I'd felt so weak and dizzy—it was a chakra restriction bracelet. Even if I'd been brazen enough to fight, I had no means of doing so, not with this disgusting device locked on me.

Furious, I scrubbed myself raw underneath water as hot as I could stand it. I couldn't wash away my panic and rage, but at least the water washed away my tears.

I spent too long in the water crying and wishing I could have done things differently; could have stopped everything from happening. When I stepped out and dressed, the shirt fell to a little below my thighs. Yeah, great, totally not uncomfortable. I wasn't going to put my mud-stained pants on again, so all I could do was keep the shirt in place. I went outside again and thought I could hear voices arguing, but they were so faint it might as well have been my imagination.

Sasori chose that moment to come back to the room, and I glared at the door as it opened to reveal him, annoyance painted on his expression. He spared me a glance only to turn his full gaze onto me a moment later. I suddenly felt exposed, my legs too bare, the shirt too small.

Sasori cleared his throat. "Prepare yourself for tomorrow, Deidara and I are still discussing you two accompanying. I want to test your strength."

"So, what am I, an ally or a servant?" I asked, folding my arms.

Sasori scoffed. "You're whatever I decide."

That wasn't at all a comforting answer, nor did it even tell me anything. "Test my strength?" I repeated, my tone holding a razor-sharp edge. I was completely over Sasori talking down to me, treating me like an animal. "I'm strong enough to blow you to pieces if you didn't have this fucking bracelet on me!"

Alex was the temper between us, but even I had a limit. Sasori cut his eyes towards me, his lips curving in a smirk. The reaction did nothing to satisfy me, nor did— "Hey!"

My body was moving without a single cue from me, walking towards the corner and sitting down, collapsing without much grace. "Stay," Sasori told me, lowering his hand. He said the order with complete seriousness, but I thought I caught a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

"Stop doing that to me," I snapped, shivering. "It's not fair, and it's frightening. Save it for your dolls."

Sasori was done acknowledging me, it seemed. He dumped a blanket over me and walked past me, took a seat at his desk, and began to work. I couldn't quite see his project, and I snapped my head away, shutting down my own curiosity. I hated not having control over my own body. I longed to go back to my life this morning, free and safe with Alex.

I longed for so much, and I doubted any of it would ever happen.

* * *

"Is all you do yell and play with clay?" I grumbled, staying across the room from the blond. I didn't trust him anywhere near me. The clay the blond used wasn't normal—it had to be infused with chakra, with the way it enlarged and exploded at his will. When he had caught Amaya and me earlier, he had molded a small white bird, only for it to inflate to unbelievable proportions. The redhead had carried my sister over, limp and out cold, but very much alive. My chest still ached remembering those few moments I had thought she was dead. I could live without a lot; anything but her.

The redhead had placed Amaya on the back of the pristine white bird, all while Deidara wrestled my arms behind my back and tied them there before dragging me onto the bird, myself. "Keep it up pretty boy," Deidara sneered, "I love a little struggle, yeah."

My stomach had dropped through the bird and forest floor.

"I'll see you back at the base, Danna," Deidara had saluted his partner goodbye, and then the bird was fucking flying, like it was real. I still remembered the sinister look Deidara had given me when I'd asked where he was taking us. I'd decided I'd never wanted to find out. Too bad the choice wasn't mine.

Deidara snorted, flicking his eye towards me. His other was covered by an odd metal contraption. I wanted to ask if he still had his eye at all, or what the thing attached to him was for, but there were more pressing questions. "How long are you going to keep us here?" I grit out, clenching my teeth to keep them from chattering. The room was freezing, the entire base was as gelid as a winter's night.

Deidara shrugged. "Until I get bored of you, un. You're not going anywhere, you're useless with that chakra bracelet," he smirked. I glanced at my ankle, where the restriction bracelet sat locked and ugly. It wasn't as ugly as the bruise around my wrist, where Deidara had gripped it and dragged me to his quarters.

"What if I blow your brains out, like the explosions you like so much?" I grinned viciously. It was the wrong thing to say, if Deidara's cool expression was to go by. He reached out and took my arm again (as if that bruise needed any additional help) and yanked me forward, where he tossed me onto his bed. I grunted when I landed, the mattress dipped beneath me and the sheets rustled about. "You asshole!" I snapped, shaking my hair from my eyes to glare up at Deidara, who had come to stand before the bed. "Wipe that smirk off your fucking face!"

Something wicked came over Deidara's expression. He reached down and grabbed my leg, tugging me down to the edge of the bed. "Watch your mouth, little one. You don't know who you're dealing with, yeah," Deidara sneered, his eyes glittering cruelly.

I opened my mouth to snap something back, but before I could, a wet and warm sensation on my leg startled me out of it. I flinched back and Deidara chuckled, holding one hand palm-outwards while the other still on my leg slid further up. A mouth sat in the middle of his palm, a pink tongue lolling out for a brief glimpse. Jarred by the revelation, I scrambled into an upright position. "What the hell?"

"Kinjutsu," Deidara said, winking at me.

"You did that to yourself?" I asked, still in shock by the revelation. I'd never seen or heard of anything like it; mouths on your hands? "That's how you make your sculptures," I said, my eyes widening with realization. Several small statues littered Deidara's room, no less impressive than the giant one I'd witnessed earlier.

Deidara cocked a brow, as if caught off guard by my reaction. "Comes in handy when creating art, yeah," he confessed. Taking a bit of clay into his hand, he allowed the hand to consume it. I watched in awe as it ejected a small clay bird, the details on it perfect. Deidara tossed it into the air and I recoiled as it exploded with a flash of colorful sparks.

A laugh burst from my mouth before I could stop it, completely delighted by the show as sparks rained down around us. "That was beautiful!" I exclaimed. With a penchant for fireworks and destruction, how could I not feel impressed?

"Art is a bang, yeah." Deidara was grinning proudly when the door flung open suddenly, the redhead from earlier standing in the doorway. Startled by the entry, I backed away, but Deidara didn't appear put out.

"What the hell are you doing? I've warned you once, you're going to blow up your room if you keep this up, brat." Anger gleamed in Sasori's eyes. "If Kakuzu doesn't kill you for the expenses first, I'm going to."

Deidara pursed his lips and waved a hand in dismissal. "It's art, my man! Just accept art is an explosion and quit barging into my room, yeah!"

It was like watching a married couple, I inwardly smirked. Sasori rolled his eyes. "True art doesn't vanish in the blink of an eye," he retaliated. His gaze lowered to me, then, and I couldn't help a flinch. His gaze was cold and penetrating, making me wish I could disappear beneath the blankets. "Don't get attached to that, either," Sasori warned before taking his leave, the door slamming shut behind him.

"I've gotten downgraded to "that" now?" I asked, indignant. Deidara chuckled as he began to mold another creation.

"You'd rather us call you  _pet?"_  Deidara smirked, turning his back to me. "It's about all you're good for, now, yeah."

Jackass. He thinks I'll sit pretty for him?

It'll be a cold day in hell before I willingly stayed captive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second story I've written involving original characters! I recently rewrote the first one and it took me a few months, here's hoping this one takes much less time. It was written as very self-indulgent, so there's little plot in it. I'll try to fix it, but here's the warning; this is no masterpiece lmao.
> 
> Amaya is my OC, there's art of her on my profile!
> 
> Alex belongs to my best friend, who goes by Sasuke Neko on ff . net and SpaceDaddy18 on ao3!
> 
> Sasori is human in this story, around the age of early to mid-twenties.
> 
> This story mixes points of view, some may find that disorienting, apologies for that. It bounces between first and third narration with a line break to indicate, and will also divide focus between the four main characters.
> 
> Warnings for this story include; violence toxic relationship situations, dub-con moments, and general problematic behavior. Because I was fourteen when I wrote this, and I was a problematic and dramatic kid, and now as an adult trying to rewrite all of that…it's…it's going great. Ten outta ten.


	2. Chapter 2

Sleeping on a stone floor did no favors for anyone. I hardly slept, having passed out in short fits only to awake in a panic. It was a vicious cycle. Of course, Sasori added to my hesitance to sleep. How could anyone sleep well with a strange, threatening man sharing the room with them? If you could, I applaud you, but I wasn't about to fall into that trap.

With a groan, I sat up, rubbing at my stiff neck in hopes to get some feeling back into it. "It's no hotel, but at least the bugs can't get to me," I muttered. Sasori had, at some point, gone to bed last night, but he'd risen early. I hadn't seen him leave and couldn't gauge how long he'd been gone, but I figured I'd get up and get ready before he came back.

On the bed sat an outfit; a mesh top, tank-top, and pair of shorts. They weren't quite my size, but I presumed them to be for me; I couldn't picture Sasori squeezing into the clothes, after all. I snickered to myself at the thought as I washed and dressed. My hair was tangled after sleep, but try as I might, the crimson mess remained untamed. Fine, if it wanted to stay that way, it could be my guest. I was lucky I wore it shorter, god forbid I allow it to grow long, I'd have matted hair for days. In the back of mind, I queried about where Sasori might be. Right at that moment, the door creaked.

Speak of the devil, right?

Sasori came in without knocking—lucky for him I was dressed. I doubted it'd have mattered, but it was too early for me to scream an expletive and throw something. I turned my head towards Sasori when he paused in the doorway, cocking my head in question. Without a word, Sasori inclined his head out the door, indicating I follow. It wasn't as if I had many other options. Without dawdling, I composed myself and followed the redhead outside, where the drafty chill turned my exposed skin into an expanse of goosebumps.

I stuck close behind Sasori as he led me down the corridor, nervous of the unfamiliar, dank surroundings. Everything felt too eerie, like I was being watched. Eventually, the corridor led out into an open room. A living area of sorts? There was a refined leather couch and a couple of chairs, and—

"Alex!" I exclaimed, catching sight of my brother flopped over on the couch. I rushed towards him as he sat up and threw my arms around him. It had been the first night we'd spent away from each other in ages, and without knowing if the other was safe and all right? It had been a nightmare. "Are you hurt?" I asked, lowering my voice between us.

Alex snorted, but he shook his head, although his initial reaction worried me some. I pulled back enough to see his expression was cold and annoyed, but such a vitriolic expression wasn't aimed at me, but over my shoulder. I cut my eyes to the side to watch Sasori disappear through an entryway that looked like it led to a kitchen; already in the kitchen stood Deidara, a mug in his hands as he greeted his partner. If looks could kill, Deidara would be laid out on the floor in half a second.

Deidara happened to glance at us, startling me. "Stop glaring at me, cat," he warned Alex, who hissed beside me. Deidara smirked at the tragically catlike reaction. He abandoned the kitchen and headed into the living area, passing the two of us on the couch. He reached out along his way and flicked one of Alex's ears, garnering a wince as my brother snapped his hand out to brush Deidara's hand away. I couldn't get a grasp on whether they hated one another or were playing with each other. I also wasn't sure which choice would have been the safer one.

"I've never met such a pompous, infuriating,  _perverse_  bastard in my life," Alex seethed, bristling with anger. I rested a weary hand on his shoulder.

"Try not to piss him off," I murmured, "we need to stay alive, perhaps he won't hurt you if you stay quiet." I was only thinking of my brother's safety, but he cut his eyes towards me with a dangerous glint in them.

"Don't you dare stick up for him," he snapped, "he'll end up doing whatever he wants regardless of what I do."

I didn't doubt that, but that didn't mean Alex wasn't making it worse with his attitude. "I'm always on your side, don't make me the enemy," I pleaded.

Alex's expression softened some, and he opened his eyes to glance from me towards the kitchen, where Sasori still was. "What about him?" Alex asked, "what's he like so far?"

Lovely, he's a gem. "He hasn't tried to kill me thus far, so I'd say there are worse people," I carefully said, leaving out the parts where Sasori threatened me and basically called me a filthy animal. "He gave me a corner to sleep in. It actually makes me miss sleeping outside in the grass," I admitted with a fond smile.

Alex rolled his eyes, but there was a smile tugging at his lips, himself. "Deidara offered the bed. I turned him down,  _sadly_."

I understood then what Alex meant when he'd called Deidara "perverse" earlier, and I felt the urge to knock Deidara's balls into his throat. My brother could well take care of himself, that didn't eradicate any of my innate need to protect him. That was why Deidara had picked us up, that was what he'd meant by stress relief—he wanted us as pleasure slaves.

My insides churned violently, I felt Alex put a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged him off, the touch feeling too intense to my suddenly buzzing nerves. I wasn't going to let Sasori put his fucking hands on me, and I wouldn't allow Deidara near Alex, not like that. Not like this.

"Amaya, snap out of it," Alex's voice was calm and close as he brought me out of the start of a panic attack. Only then did I realize how fast I was breathing, and only then did I work on getting myself back under control. Sasori had made no moves like that, maybe he was nothing like Deidara. Hell, maybe I was jumping to the worst conclusions and Deidara was only making a sick joke.

I jumped when Deidara appeared in my field of vision, his arm outreached for Alex. Alex snapped at the blond for grabbing him by the arm, but Deidara didn't let go. "Get up, kids. We're leaving for that mission," he explained, pushing Alex towards the exit. "Nothing too serious or difficult, yeah. Just something to test your skill and potential. Try not to let us down, yeah?"

Sasori came out of the kitchen then. "We'll be leaving in separate directions. Come on, I don't want to waste any extra time."

To my luck, Sasori didn't seem as keen about manhandling as Deidara, and he left me to walk on my own accord. I trailed behind him as he took me out of the base, the blinding light almost searing my eyeballs. The false light and dim torches inside were nothing compared to sunlight, I realized, and what a painful realization.

I watched with disdain as Deidara flew off with my brother on the back of a large, presumably clay bird. I had the vaguest memory of flying on one myself, but I shook it off. I would sooner die than fly up that high. I shook my head and turned my focus back to Sasori. "How do you expect us to prove anything with these bracelets on?" I asked, picturing myself trying to battle without my chakra. Without it, I was completely cut off from my main way of fighting, I was a sitting duck.

Sasori had an answer for me, but it wasn't the greatest. "I can control your access to your chakra, as Deidara can control your brother's. The bracelets are programmed to respond to our commands. And if you want to try and escape," Sasori trailed off a moment, and I could feel the smirk in his voice, "see what happens."

Nope, actually, how about I didn't? I didn't care for his tone. I was temperamental, but I wasn't an idiot.

Our walk continued in peaceful silence for several tense minutes, of which I wasn't bold enough to attempt asking Sasori any other questions. I was on the verge of asking him what exactly this mission entailed when an explosion swallowed my voice. I screamed in shock, but that too got swallowed by the "BOOM!" that echoed through the forest.

Sasori emitted a suffering sigh, pulled out a scroll, and waved me forward. "Go on, show me what you can do," he encouraged. He didn't have to tell me twice, not with the rage and pent up energy locked away inside. I was running forward before Sasori had hardly permitted me, my hands pumping at my sides and charging with static power. I could only hope I wasn't running into a battle blind and with nothing, Sasori's word was all I had, and I wasn't too trustful of it.

I broke out of the forest and into a clearing, where several weaker trees were bowed back from the force of Deidara's explosion. Alex was already on the ground, lunging forward and driving a kunai into the throat of the nearest enemy. I hadn't gotten a visual, but if the ninja were enemies of the Akatsuki, then they had to become enemies of mine. Alex, lightning fast and agile as any sleek cat, traversed the battlefield at a speed I could hardly keep track of. Blood spattered the ground along with a couple of bodies already, while a few remaining nin stood between trying to attack my brother and glaring at the sky, where I was certain they were trying to get a visual of Deidara.

A duo of ninja was closing in on me, I had to focus on my own battles. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath; my lungs expanded and my arms extended, and as I exhaled, electricity pushed through my veins and outwards through my fingertips. I was alight with energy, a thrumming power that swathed me as I whipped my right arm before me. The kunoichi stood no chance as she lunged for me; the sound of a feminine scream and the scent of sizzling flesh would never, ever become easy for me. I was a monster already, though, and a monster never stopped to pity the dead.

I darted past the male counterpart of the duo who'd tried to take me down, thrusting my right arm forward and straight through the poor fool's abdomen, crackling electricity slicing through flesh like butter. Blood sprayed across my skin and dripped to the ground as I shoved the man's body off, my lungs heaving for air. I had weak stamina; I could exude powerful energy, but I couldn't do it for long.

I heard the whistling sound of shuriken hurtling towards me and I crouched low to dodge, only to find myself forced to use the momentum to push myself up into a jump to avoid the swing of a kunoichi's katana. I twisted in the air and reached for her blade. It sliced my palm open, but the contact was enough to generate electricity into the weapon and electrocute her through it. She dropped the weapon with a scream and sunk to her knees, giving Alex the opportunity to finish her off. I shut my eyes so that I wouldn't watch him stab her through her chest. Watching the light leave a person's eyes wasn't…it wasn't something you stopped seeing, even when you closed your own eyes.

I opened my eyes to find the clearing scattered with bodies, most of them dead, their chests long since fallen still. I had lost track of both Deidara and Sasori while my brother and I fought. We weren't particularly skilled ninja, mostly self-taught; but when together we were a formidable duo. Alex was the speed, agility, brutality... I was strength, raw power. When combined, we could pack a punch, as I'd hoped the two Akatsuki would notice and take mark of.

"What's a little girl like you hangin' around with the Akatsuki for?" A voice startled me, prompting me to turn to face the source. A sleazy, greasy man stood a few feet off, holding no weapon and wearing a dirty smirk. "You two would be better off coming back with me, sweetheart. I could teach you a thing or two about being a real ninja," he schmoozed.

"I doubt you're much of an upgrade," I snarled, tightening my hand into a fist and reeling back. The man laughed, as if the thought of me hitting him was mirthful. I soon knocked the look clean off his face, along with knocking his consciousness right out of his body. The man crumbled to the ground in a heap, something having cracked beneath my knuckles. I straightened up, smirking with victory, but it was a transitory win. I hissed when a sharp pain sliced into my arm, and turned to face the woman who had just used her sword to cut me. A ribbon of blood wound down my arm and began to drip down to the dirt.

She raised the weapon again with the full intention of stabbing me. I brought my arms up to cover myself, hoping they would absorb the hit and prevent a fatal wound, it was all I could do. The woman swung her sword down and I prepared for the hit; right before the blade could touch me, something swished past my face. I recoiled and shut my eyes when blood flecked across me, the woman heaving a wet cough. I gasped as I got pulled back when the woman fell, dead.

"Keep better track of your enemies or you'll get yourself killed," Sasori warned as he pulled me up against him, out of the way of the collapsing corpse. He cast a critical eye over the surrounding clearing, where several bodies littered the ground along with burnt grass and trees. On the other side of the clearing stood Alex, his chest heaving and his lips curled into a smug grin. His pride felt contagious, and I couldn't help feeling a smile tugging at my own lips. How was that for proving our worth?

Deidara dropped from the sky, leaving his bird to hover overhead. As he straightened, he glanced around with a low whistle. "Damn, and that's that, yeah." He glanced down at the people I had all but fried, smoke still rising from their bodies, and sent a wary look at me. He headed for Alex and reached down to pull him up; he whispered something to my brother that made him grin, perking my curiosity, but I was too far to hear.

I flinched when Sasori began to talk. "Not the most impressive, but enough to perhaps aid us," he decided. I wasn't entirely sure I should feel pleased with his remarks. "You could both use improvement, but we have time for that."

I rolled my eyes and, to my surprise, so did Deidara. He appeared completely used to Sasori's nonchalance and challenging standards. "What's someone got to do to impress you?" I asked, to which I got no answer.

"We need to destroy the evidence. Deidara, if you would?" Sasori asked with a pointed look towards Deidara.

"Oh, I can take care of that!" Alex volunteered with a wicked grin. I bristled and turned on my heel to get the hell out of there—I didn't have any interest in getting incinerated that day. Alex, like me, possessed a unique ability special to ibrida, a certain Kekkei Genkai. Our parents could generate fire, Alex had inherited the skill. Sasori cut his eyes towards my brother with suspicion, but without me even having to warn him, he began to follow me. Deidara leapt back onto his bird to stay out of the way.

"What does he plan to do?" Sasori asked. It was my turn to ignore him for a second, heading a bit farther out before I stopped and turned to watch Alex in his glory.

"Look for yourself," I said, covering my eyes to protect them as Alex raised his hands, palm outward. Fire burst from his fingertips and singed the surrounding grass and trees, swallowing the little clearing whole. Nothing would be left of the bodies or what had transpired there that day. Before the flames could envelop him too, Alex jumped up onto the bird with Deidara.

Sasori watched the flames for several moments, drinking in the sight and the realization of what my brother was capable of. "I've never…" Sasori murmured, trailing off. "Is this a Kekkei Genkai?" he finally asked, turning to face me.

I shrugged, "there are stranger ones around, aren't there?" I replied as we headed away from the destruction.

"And yours is different, it's—"

A forgotten enemy, a small man who must have slipped past, darted out from behind a tree. His arm was raised with a sword as he cried out in vengeance, as if he truly believed he stood a chance. I raised my hand and with a final expense of energy, electricity surrounded my hand and I swung forward. My palm touched the man's chest and the awful sound of sizzling skin combined with the man's dying scream as I yanked my arm back, leaving him to drop face-down on the forest floor.

Panting, I glanced at Sasori, who had watched the display, and smiled at him.

"Impressive," he offered, inclining his head with the slightest recognition.

I wished that didn't make me as proud as it did, but at least now I knew how to get a compliment from the stingy bastard.

* * *

Deidara and Alex had beaten Sasori and me home. Deidara turned to glance at the two of us when we headed in. "You should have flown home, Danna. It'd save you a lot of time, yeah."

Fuck that, I wasn't getting on that flying deathtrap.

Fortunately, Sasori didn't deign the suggestion worthy of a response. "Did you already deliver a report to Leader-sama?" Sasori asked. When Deidara nodded affirmative, Sasori sighed and waved his hand at me—dismissing me?

As annoyed as I felt by the rude dismissal, I wasn't about to argue with a chance to rest. Alex lay sprawled out on the floor instead of the couch, his arm resting over his face. "Why are you on the floor?" I asked, accidentally speaking a little harsher than I'd intended due to my irritation towards Sasori.

Alex didn't comment on it as he raised his free arm in an "I don't know" gesture. "Ask the princess," he said, and it took me a moment to understand he was referring to Deidara.

Deidara shot Alex a look. Something in me prickled with wary discomfort; I didn't trust Deidara, I didn't like the way he looked at my brother. Something in his eyes made me feel like he might be as unstable as his bombs. "Watch your mouth, bitch."

Alex jerked himself upright and bared his teeth in a furious sneer. "Don't tell me what to do, I'm not a fucking animal!" Alex snapped. I recoiled from the force of his rage. Had I the chance, I'd have warned him he was going too far—even I could see Deidara's temper was too volatile to tempt—but it was too late. I cringed as Deidara stormed towards us, wrapping his hand around my brother's wrist and yanking him up. Alex hissed a litany of expletives at Deidara as the blond dragged him off, heading towards the blond's room.

"You and your brother both need to learn when to be quiet," I heard Sasori say. I turned a venomous glare towards him. How dare he insinuate either of us should sit back and let them talk to us like we were—we were some sort of pet! I wanted to say as much when I turned to face the redheaded man once he returned to the living area, but before I got the chance, Sasori had shoved a warm bowl into my hands. "Eat," he said, "the last thing I need is to care for an ill child."

"I'm not a child, I'm eighteen," I grumbled, the steam from the rice making my stomach growl. Sasori cocked a brow at me, as if to say  _you're still young, to me._  He didn't appear much older than me, I realized. He couldn't have been anywhere older than his mid-twenties. Where did he get off calling me a kid?

I inhaled the food he'd given me in record setting time, hardly tasting the rice at all. Sasori lingered around me, scrutinizing a couple of scrolls. I took the moment to look at him, taking in the sight. Sasori's hair was a lighter shade than mine, the deep red of it contrasting with the grey of his eyes. As he read, his eyes narrowed and his lips would purse as if reading something that required extra concentration. His features were soft, young, but his eyes were far from.

Sasori glanced up then and my face colored as I turned my eyes down, as if I'd never been staring at him. "If you're done, wash your bowl and head back to the room."

That didn't sound exciting at all. As I stood to follow the first instruction, I glanced over my shoulder. "Isn't there anything else to do around here except sit around?" My boredom and restlessness would eat me alive. I had lived a life traveling miles almost each day, I couldn't handle dropping from that to sitting cooped up in a room all day.

"No, now leave. You'll only cause trouble."

Well, fuck you too.

I trudged back to the room after washing the dish, hoping my stomping footsteps would prove how unhappy I was with Sasori's order. I had just chosen to sit down at the window-seat instead of the floor when a beautiful sound reached my ears. Rain pattered down against the glass, glimmering on the pane with clear blobby shapes. Thunder rumbled outside, the low purr of the sky sending a shudder down my back. It'd been ages since I had last experienced a good, honest rain storm. It would be a warm rain, the summer air outside still crisp and pleasant even as we neared fall.

I couldn't let this opportunity pass me up, even if Sasori denied me. I launched from my seat and raced outside to the living area, where Sasori was still poring over the scroll. He looked over the top of the parchment, unamused with my sudden and loud entry. "It's storming," I said, as if he could have somehow not heard. "Can I…can I go outside? Only for a little while?"

Sasori's brow furrowed, like he couldn't believe what I'd asked. "In the rain?" he asked, "why would you want to?"

"I love the rain. You saw me on the field, lightning is a part of me—storms are my favorite, please?" I implored, my veins thrumming with adrenaline and excitement. "I can't even get far when I'm wearing this bracelet, like you said!"

Sasori brought his fingertips to his temple. I'd poked holes in any argument he could've made. I wasn't going to take no for an answer, Sasori had uprooted my entire life, the least he could do was give me the simplest pleasures I had left.

"Fine," he conceded, "but stay close and don't get into any trouble. Come back within an hour." He stood to escort me outside, seeing as I couldn't activate the base's entry, myself. I scrambled past him, eager to get outside and feel the rain against my skin. From behind, I heard him sigh with exasperation. I thought I heard him speak, but a flash of lightning and bout of thunder drowned out his voice. It was hard to feel any sense of freedom when you were a captive, but this was as close as I could possibly get.

"What a strange woman."

* * *

"Let go of me!" I snapped, struggling to pry Deidara's bruising grip off my arm. My flesh was already darkened with a mark, I didn't need him adding any further injury, but he appeared to have a different opinion. His temper reminded me of the explosions he was so fond off—equally as short fused and about twice as deadly. I hadn't meant to piss him off the way I had, but I couldn't take it listening to him talk to me that way. I wasn't an animal, I wasn't a pet, and I sure wasn't something for him to shove around and do what he wanted to.

Deidara's grasp only tightened, anger radiating from the terrifying blue of his eyes. "Shut up," he hissed, the lowest he'd ever spoken to me. I flinched, my ears pinning down. I had really fucked up; wholly and truly. When we reached the bedroom door, Deidara kicked it open and swung the arm he had holding me, throwing me onto the floor. I cracked against the ground, jarring about every bone in my body.

"What the hell is your problem!" I cried out, wincing as I scrambled to get upright. I struggled to back away from the imposing blond as he slammed the door shut, but he was faster than I was. I cried out as he stepped on my leg, holding me in place as he smirked down at me.

"You need to be taught some respect, un."

My eyes widened at the implication, the dark look in his eyes didn't bode well for me at all. Deidara stepped off my leg and reached out, taking a handful of my hair to drag me up. Pain burst across my skull and I swore in pain, clawing at his hand, for all the good it'd do me. I pried open an eye to look at the blond as he pulled me upright to his level, a smug smirk on his lips. It was an awkward position but I kicked my leg out, trying to knock the arrogant jackass off his feet.

Deidara muttered a curse under his breath and threw me back down on the floor. I landed on my stomach, a piss-poor choice. Deidara wrenched both my arms behind my back and used his weight to press me into the floor. I heard him speak, but the ringing in my own ears drowned out his voice. An awful, electrifying pain lit up my entire body. I tried to scream, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out aside from a weak gasp. All my senses were alight with the paroxysm of agony, leaving me to burn alive.

I couldn't say how long it lasted. The fire surged through my entire body for minutes or for hours; either or, by the time it stopped I could scarcely breathe. My throat was raw and dry, maybe I had been screaming. Maybe I'd been begging Deidara to stop. The blond got off me, releasing my arms, where they collapsed at my sides. My breath was coming in frantic, shallow pants. A foot planted itself in my stomach and kicked me onto my back. I flinched as Deidara knelt over me, bringing one of his hands beneath my head and lifting me up a bit. "Let's try this again," he cocked his head, "are you gonna behave, yeah?"

I nodded slowly, feeling almost robotic as my senses sizzled with lingering pain. I was shaking beneath Deidara as he grinned maliciously. "Good boy." He leaned down, his lips grazing over mine before he let me back down to the floor. I couldn't find it in me to move after that, lying still as he stood and left me be.

Maybe I'd bitten off more than I could chew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me aged fourteen: oh no is my OC overpowered? Is this not a skill she should have, what if people think I'm trying to godmod?
> 
> Me now: FUCK yeah, kill them, light them the fuck up
> 
> Listen, people are going to tell you a lot of complaints about your OCs. Frankly, some advice is great. You can indeed have an overpowered character. But, you can also easily balance that out. Just make sure you're having fun no matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

I had lost track of time and, I believe, so had Sasori. It was well into the night before I heard Sasori's whistle calling me back to the base. I wasn't far and I made it back within a few minutes, the rain was still making its way down in lazy drizzling. I was dripping with rainwater once I walked back inside, creating a small puddle. Sasori cut me a mordant look, watching as I dripped water everywhere. I'd begun to shiver from the drafty air.

"Cold?" Sasori asked, cocking a brow. I didn't grace it with a verbal response, but I did glower at the man. He tossed something at me that I had to rush to catch before it landed in the growing puddles. "Our female member has donated some of her clothes to you, it'll have to do until we can get into town."

They had another female member? I hadn't heard of her, I had only heard stories of the infamous men in the Akatsuki, tales of their legendary strengths and their mercilessness. Although I didn't know the woman, I was grateful to her for the clothes I would get to wear. I still planned to wear Sasori's shirt to bed, but at least I wouldn't have to go out into battle in it. As I dressed in the bathroom, I set my wet clothes over the tub to dry before I left.

Cerise colored my cheeks when I realized I'd walked in on Sasori as he was dressing. Lightning flashed outside and illuminated his shirtless form and I ducked my gaze when he turned to face me, abashed. Eager to escape the uncomfortable situation, I went to sit in my designated corner, only to freeze mid-step. There was a crack in the wall that was dripping water, making my lovely sleeping place a freezing and wet pneumonia trap.

I heard Sasori sigh as he eyed the corner, and for a moment I feared I would be sleeping in it in spite of the predicament. Sasori brushed past me and I stiffened at the contact, stumbling to the side to get out of his way. I didn't want him to start shoving me around like Deidara did with my brother. "I'll fix that soon, until then I suppose you'll have to sleep in the bed."

That didn't sound too bad to me.

"Deidara and I have to plan out a mission tonight, I won't be back until later, I trust you to stay out of trouble for a while." With that, Sasori left me standing dumbfounded with little else to do but crawl into bed. Thunder cracked outside as I buried myself beneath the blankets, seeking to disappear as much as I could. It relieved me to know Alex would be on his own for a while, safe from the explosive bastard who had brought us here in the first place. A little alone time would go a long way, I was certain when Sasori came back he would order me out of the bed, once he realized he didn't want to share it. He hadn't shown the same penchant for violence that Deidara had, but there was something beneath the surface, something dangerous.

There was a storm beneath those grey eyes, and I was about to become the lightning rod.

* * *

"Too bright," I groaned, having woken from the bright sunlight filtering through the window. I burrowed deeper against my source of warmth in an attempt to shrink away from the brightness, only to freeze in shock when the source happened to sigh. Bolting upright, I looked to the side to find I'd pressed myself into Sasori.

"You're worse than a dog seeking affection." Sasori's voice was gravelly with sleep. I'd never even noticed him slipping into bed, he'd failed my expectations when I'd thought he'd kick me out.

"I was asleep!" I snapped, pulling the blanket up around me. Sasori chuckled and sat up, the blanket slipping off to reveal his bare chest and torso. I pursed my lips and turned my head, hoping to make it look like I wasn't staring—which I wasn't.

I jumped when a hand slid across my leg, making me gasp and pull away. "Relax, girl," I heard Sasori sigh. "You're so jumpy all the time." He picked up the book off the bedside table, and I realized he hadn't meant to touch me, he was only reaching for the book. Chagrined, I cleared my throat and got out of the bed. It wasn't as if he could tell me my paranoia was unfounded.

"Can I leave the room? It's stifling staying here," I asked, fixing the shirt back down over my legs. Sasori waved his hand at me and I huffed. "I'm not a trained circus dog you can just shoo away," I grit out.

Sasori looked over the top of his book with a sly smirk. I bristled at the expression as I rushed to pull on my shorts. I slammed the door on my way out, not missing Sasori's mutter of "terrible attitude" as I left. I could show him a bad attitude. Where did he get off criticizing me in any capacity? He'd abducted me, stolen me off the streets and uprooted my life, and he expected me to accept it? To be prim and happy with it? I don't fucking think so.

I was a bit busy being angry to watch where I was going, but I got yanked back to reality when I crashed face-first into someone's chest. I bounced off with a swear and reached up to cover my mouth. I was going to apologize when the person I'd run into beat me to it.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, bitch," the man snapped.

I moved my hand to uncover my snarl as I glared up at the man. I recognized him then, he was the same man I'd met on my first night here. "Why don't you open your eyes, asshole?" I growled.

The man sneered, a sinister glint entering his eyes as he backed me up against the wall. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and lifted my head, hoping it made me look much less afraid than I felt. It was always going to be my mouth that got me in trouble. I reared my fist back to sock the man in his face, forgetting that I was all but useless with the bracelet on. Too bad for me that he saw fit to remind me. I shouted in pain when the bastard intercepted my punch and yanked my arm around behind my back, then shoved me face-first into the wall.

It had all happened so fast, but when I felt his hand slip underneath the shirt I was wearing, time crashed into a violent halt that made me feel like all my insides had just gotten launched out. The man's palm was cool against my abdomen as he rested it there, and I tried to back away from it, only to press my body further into his. "Be careful who you fuck with, little girl." The man's warning hung in the air as he dropped me, pulling away and leaving me against the wall. I sucked in a breath, not having realized I'd started holding it.

"Bastard," I called back, my voice shaking with rage and lingering nervousness. Perhaps Sasori wasn't the one I needed to fear. Speaking of him…

"You aren't too bright, are you?" Sasori asked, coming up behind me. "Don't pick fights with those you know you won't beat. You aren't half as tough as you believe."

My knight in shining armor, right?

"Maybe I would be, if you weren't keeping me prisoner, you crazy bastard!" I didn't mean to start yelling. My emotion was spilling over after having boiled for hours on end.

Sasori laughed. Of all the expectations I'd had, that was the last, to hear the incredulous laugh that left him. "Why don't you go find something to do before you get yourself in trouble again?" Sasori's voice brooked no argument, there was no way I could ever mistake it for anything other than a warning.

Coming between our argument, Deidara slipped past us. The sight of him made my hackles rise, remembering what had happened with Alex yesterday. "Where the hell is my brother?" I asked, noticing the obvious lack of him following the blond.

Blue eyes cut to the corners to glance at me. "Yours sure has a mouth, yeah." He turned towards me, folding his arms. Sasori hummed in response, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. I loathed hearing Deidara refer to me as if Sasori owned me. No one owned me.

"He's in my room, yeah. It's the only place he can't get himself in more trouble."

Concern morphed into the longing to see Alex, to ensure he was okay. "I need to see him. Please," I turned to Sasori as I implored, though I knew the choice was ultimately Deidara's. If I had to punch his teeth into his skull to get to my brother, I'd be glad to.

"Whatever, I don't care, yeah," he shrugged. I didn't stick around for him to change his mind, I shoved past him and ran back down the corridor for the bedroom. My mind had conjured all sorts of frightening images of Alex lying, hurt, and I had done nothing to save him. Without even knocking, I burst through Deidara's door, Alex's name on my lips.

Alex was sitting in Deidara's bed in a relatively upright position, but it looked like it was taking all his effort to do even that. I rushed for the bed and clambered on it, cupping my brother's face. His eyes looked glazed over, dazed. "Alex? Alex, can you hear me?" I murmured, brushing his hair out of his face. He groaned, wincing as if my voice alone pained him.

"Sis?" he grumbled, finally snapping to attention. His voice sounded like a croak, dry and painful. "Hey."

He was too out of it, Deidara must've done something. He'd hurt my brother. "Alex, what happened? What's wrong, baby?"

Alex shook his head, leaning back out of my grasp. "It's nothing, nothing serious," he said, his voice gaining more clarity. His expression darkened then, and he reached for my shoulder, where he gripped me tight. "Listen to me, don't piss off Sasori. Don't make him angry, okay?"

"Alex, you're scaring me." Privately, I already thought I'd well pissed Sasori off before. "What did Deidara do to you?"

Alex rubbed his leg, the one the bracelet was locked on. "I…I'm not sure. It was…was like this horrible pain overcame me, I think the bracelets do it. Deidara can control it, I know Sasori can do the same. I don't want…you can't experience that, promise me you won't make him angry. Promise me!"

Alex exclaimed his final wish when I started to shake my head. I couldn't promise that, I hardly knew what would make Sasori angry and what wouldn't. But, looking at the pleading face of my brother, I couldn't deny him. "I promise, okay? I promise, now come here," I held my arms out and he fell into them, clinging to my shirt. "God, what's he doing to you?" I whispered, unable to fathom what the bracelet could do to have hurt my brother so much.

I heard a raspy laugh from Alex. "Being an asshole is what he's doing. He's pretty great at it, too," my brother was sounding a little more like himself. "I heard you yelling a few minutes ago, Aya. What happened?"

Ah, right, my encounter. "That man we met the first night here, the one who wears the pendant?" I started, combing my fingers through Alex's hair. "I ran into him by mistake. He…he didn't like it," I finished, deciding to err on the side of caution and not share with Alex what the man had done. Alex was wounded enough without him being afraid either for me or for the same thing befalling him. "No big deal, I can take a big tough guy like him."

Alex offered me a weak laugh, but it was still a beautiful sound. I didn't doubt he could shake off what had happened. Alex was resilient, he'd grown up with nothing but hardship, but he continued getting up each day and putting a middle finger up at the world. I could learn a thing or two from him. Suddenly, Alex asked me a question, something that made my heart sink through the floor.

"Do you think we'll ever be happy?" he murmured. It was such a heavy, dark question for someone so terribly young. "Like getting out of here, escaping somewhere safe? Or do you think we're really trapped?"

I took in a deep breath. "Look, life isn't meant to be easy. You and I both know that. Some people are meant to be strong, life puts them through trials. We're the strong ones, Alex. We can handle anything thrown at us." I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "We'll get through this, whatever happens."

Alex fell silent for a moment, his hand squeezing my leg. Just when he opened his mouth, Sasori's voice broke in. "Amaya!"

I'd yet to hear my name from his lips. It sent a chill down my back, my ears pricking up on full alert as I stood from the bed, leaving Alex bundled among the blankets. On my way out of the room I nearly ran into Deidara; I would have had he not slid to the side to avoid me. I glanced over my shoulder to watch him lift Alex off the bed, carrying him as if my brother weighed nothing at all. "I can walk!" came Alex's affronted claim. Deidara only snorted in disbelief, but he did set Alex down, an expectant look on his face.

"Go on," the blond pushed. I turned when Alex took a single step, paused, and then sunk to the floor, as if his muscles were nothing but jelly. Deidara snickered as he knelt to lift my brother up again.

"What's wrong with you?" I demanded, but Alex never even looked at me, he was busy trying to singe Deidara alive with that glare of his.

"Amaya, don't keep me waiting," Sasori called for the second time. Fucking impatient, as if he was going to age ten years if he had to wait on me. I hurried out of the room (I wasn't going to make him come to get me) with Deidara carrying Alex behind me. Sasori's eyes hardened when he caught sight of the both of them. "If you're already using drastic measures against him, he isn't going to survive the month."

My stomach turned itself inside out. I didn't trust Sasori's tone, implying that Deidara was a sadist who kidnapped kids off the street to kill them.

"Don't patronize me," Deidara scoffed. "I like this one. I might keep 'im around for a while, yeah." I glanced towards the pair, noting Alex clenched his jaw.

Sasori rolled his eyes and sighed through his nose. I couldn't tell for what reason; was he doubtful of Deidara's claim, or annoyed at the thought of Alex and me surviving too long? Neither of those things were bright. Deidara walked ahead with Alex while Sasori and I followed behind. The redhead fell into step beside me and began to talk. "Our leader wishes to meet the both of you today, that's the whole purpose of this gathering. You're going to have to familiarize yourself and understand our goals and members if you're to be of any use to us," Sasori explained, while my spinning mind tried to latch onto bits and pieces. "You're not to do anything, speak out of turn, don't even look at anyone. Stay by my side and you won't get hurt."

Now this meeting sounded more like an execution. Despite my desire to object, I had no room to do so. Never did I think going back to hide in that room would be so appealing.

Soon we reached our destination, a looming set of double doors, made of the same cold silver stone as the others. Behind the doors revealed a long table, where several people were seated. I recognized some faces—the man with the pendant, definitely—and others were concealed by the shadows in the room. Sasori led me forward and took a seat at a chair, then proceeded to tug my arm so that I would collapse beside him on the floor. I colored at the indignity of sitting on the floor at his feet, but I didn't dare open my mouth to protest. Deidara sat on the opposite side of us, placing Alex on the ground as well. Beside me sat the asshole, his violet eyes glinting darkly as he glanced down at me. A cold smirk crossed his lips, prompting me to lean away and press against Sasori's leg.

Sasori shot the man a warning look. "Leave her be, Hidan," he warned. It felt better to place a name to the man, finally.

Hidan rolled his eyes, but he did straighten up away from me. Ahead, at the very front of the table, a shimmering silhouette flickered into existence. Beside it at the seat closest to the front, another silhouette glimmered, their head ducked. Around the table, the other members lowered their heads out of respect. I quickly ducked my own to follow suit.

"I have been made aware of two new faces among us," the man at the head of the table spoke, his voice was a quiet calm, yet it seemed to fill the entire room. "Sasori and Deidara discovered two wandering rogues near our village, and chose to take them in."

Well, that was watering it down a little, wasn't it?

"Perhaps they'll be of use to us, instead of only as servants to them." The man delved into deeper details after that, bits that didn't concern me as much. I caught pieces about  _goals, tailed demons, Konoha is becoming a bigger threat. Things_  that filtered into my head and into the recesses. Absently, with my attention fading in and out, I leaned my head against Sasori's leg. It'd been unintentional, I hadn't noticed, not until his hand rested against the top of my head. I flinched as he began to card his slim fingers through my hair. It was a benign, gentle action, from a man who was everything but.

I allowed him to continue, my eyes slipping shut as I let myself enjoy the moment's peace. They were rare and far between, and even if it was from someone I should never feel calm around, should never have allowed to touch me, it was…it was nice.

Opposite us, I heard Deidara snort under his breath. It was then that the man's, whom I presumed to be their leader, voice rose and caught my attention again. "Deidara, Sasori, would you care to introduce your captives to us? Perhaps demonstrate their worth?"

Beside me, Hidan sneered, "they're good for sex, not much else," he snickered. I would have loved to punch the smirk off his face, though I doubted that I would have ever made it that far, even if I had access to my chakra. Sasori pulled me from the floor and leaned in close to whisper in my ear, "I've deactivated the bracelet enough for a little chakra, give us your name and try to impress him." With that, he pushed me forward. Beside me, Alex stumbled up as well.

"My name is Alex," he spoke just loud enough for those watching us to hear.

I cleared my throat, "Amaya."

Ten pairs of eyes had landed on us, as if I couldn't feel uncomfortable and anxious enough. I felt myself freezing up when, next to me, Alex raised his hands. It was reflex when I jumped back and away, staying out of my brother's way as a wave of fire encircled around him as he moved his hands. The orange flames vanished as he lowered his palms, though I knew they would still be searing hot for a few minutes to come.

"Can the girl do anything?" I glanced at the man who asked, only catching a glimpse of startlingly blue flesh. Alex opened his mouth instead of me, most likely to smart something off. A gasp launched past his lips instead, and I glanced in his line of sight. A puppet, one with such human features it left me jarred, was headed right for me. Panicked instinct kicked in and I reeled back, electricity crackling at my fingertips as I threw my fist forward and connected with the puppet. It was a weaker one, if I had to guess, it wasn't one of Sasori's best works. He'd used it to boost my strength.

Wood shattered beneath my knuckles as crackling electricity surrounded them, destroying the puppet that would have stabbed me. Hidan's mouth had fallen open as he'd watched the display. I couldn't resist a proud smirk.

"Interesting," the shimmering outline of their leader murmured. "I see they can become allies of value." He waved his hand at us, indicating we head back to our spots. I nodded my head before I headed back to Sasori's side, my veins still thrumming with energy and my head spinning from what had transpired. Would this mean that Sasori and Deidara wouldn't…dispose of Alex and me? Now that they had a real reason not to?

But…did I really want to fight for the Akatsuki, to do the dirty work of an infamous, criminal organization? Was that a fate worse than dying?

"I will call another meeting soon to discuss plans of our next Jinchūriki capture. Until then, you are all dismissed." The two silhouettes in the room vanished, and the members around the table stood to take their leave. As I approached Sasori, Hidan cut his eyes towards me, annoyance evident in his sneer. I ignored the sound of Deidara bickering with my brother in favor of meeting Hidan's glare head on.

"Tch, fucking dog," he muttered.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Bastard," I snapped in return. It was a petty, petty argument, and not one my pride could deny rising to.

"Whore," Hidan retaliated.

I bristled at the comment and bared my teeth in a furious snarl. "Snow white!" It was a reference to his pale complexion and light-colored hair, and it seemed to get under his skin. He raised a hand to hit me, but before he could, I lashed out. Sasori had yet to cut off my chakra, I realized, as I swung my fist and caught Hidan in the jaw. I would have never, ever been able to land that hit had Hidan not severely underestimated me, but I wasn't one to turn down a freebie.

Sasori grasped my arm while Hidan began a litany of swears and threats, none of which he got to carry out as Sasori all but dragged me out of the room. I stumbled over my own feet as he stormed away, only coming to a stop when we were almost to his—our—room. He glanced over his shoulder at me. "What did I tell you? I warned you about starting fights you wouldn't win, didn't I?"

I was too afraid to answer him, but I wasn't sure if it was a rhetorical question. I was struggling to pull my arm away from his painful hold when Deidara sidled past us, Alex trailing along behind him. I couldn't bring myself to look at either of them. "Are we sticking with tomorrow's plan, yeah?" Deidara asked, "we can map out the area and be home sometime in the night, they should be fine being alone for that long."

I perked up at the thought. Perhaps Alex and I could figure out a way to escape the pair before they returned.

Sasori inclined his head. "That sounds fine. You take to the air, I'll stick along the northern pathway." Suddenly, right after finishing his sentence, Sasori dropped my wrist. It might've been a relief, had he not wrapped the same arm around my waist and tugged me close against him. I voiced a startled sound, but found myself too shocked to pry myself away from Sasori's grip.

Hidan strode past us then, slowing as he passed us. I flinched at his hard look. "I never thought I'd see the day the puppet bastard got a slut," Hidan jeered. I could feel my face heating up, but from anger or embarrassment? I flinched when Hidan cut his eyes towards me. He walked off cackling, and Sasori's arm tightened around me, perhaps the only thing standing between me and Hidan.

Deidara snickered beside us. "And you told me not to get attached?" he asked, and I glanced up to see his eyes glittering with smug mirth.

"Go to your room, brat," Sasori coolly remarked. Deidara started to say something else, but Sasori was done listening to him and continued down the corridor.

"That hurts," I finally hissed, once he'd reached our room. Sasori only let me go once he'd shut the door behind us. I rubbed my red wrist, certain there'd be a pretty bruise there by tomorrow.

"Hidan likes when you do that. You have to get over it," Sasori said.

Confused, I took the bait. "Do what? What are you talking about?" I had no idea what Sasori meant.

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "When you act so innocent, it makes him want to toy with you. Hidan likes any reaction he can get from people, and when you act like a blushing virgin it only encourages him."

I spluttered for a response, completely caught off guard by his bluntness. It was  _my_  fault Hidan was out to get me? Right, all of this was my fault, wasn't it? How could I forget? I couldn't find a proper retort, so instead I crossed my arms like a petulant child. "I do not!" I exclaimed, scorned.

"So, you won't react if I do this?" Sasori queried, and I rolled my eyes.

"Do wh—mmf!" Sasori cut my question off by pressing his mouth against mine in a hard kiss. My heartbeat started to pick up the second his lips touched mine, and color flushed my face. I was too taken off guard to do a thing, I didn't even break the kiss.

Sasori pulled away after only a second or two, leaving me standing frozen. "You're redder than your hair," Sasori pointed out, as if I couldn't feel how hot my face was. "If you don't learn to control yourself, he'll continue doing things to get such a rise out of you."

"Fuck you!" I snapped breathlessly. "How is someone not meant to respond to someone kissing them?"

Why would he kiss me?

_Why was my heart going so fast?_

* * *

I was hoping that if I glared hard enough, I could put a hole right through Deidara's head. It was a funny thought, and I couldn't keep a smirk off my lips.

"Quit pouting at me," Deidara said stoically, as if I wasn't currently attempting a murder. His careless responses to my rage only succeeded in driving my annoyance further—how could one man be so infuriating?

"Why should I?" I retorted. Perhaps it was a little petty, but hey, I was a little petty.

Deidara inhaled slowly and sighed, his eyes falling shut. "You're a pain in the ass you know that, yeah?"

"Yeah," I said, grinning ferally when he turned to look at me, his eyes slitting in a narrowed glare. I was sitting on the ground at the time, having started to play with some of the extra clay Deidara had lying around. He said he hadn't cared if I messed around with it, and I'd made good with that permission for a little while. It looked like the time of peace was up.

Deidara started towards me. I only had time to put my hands in front of me, a weak line of defense, before he was on me. I cried out as he grabbed me by the hand. It was more out of shock than pain, but either or, Deidara didn't pause as he hauled me up. I pressed my hand against his chest when he pulled me close, attempting to keep some distance, however small, between us. "I've had enough, un," Deidara seethed, inches from my face.

I gasped as he whirled around, shoving me onto his bed, where I bounced a little on the mattress. I rose on my elbows, still shell-shocked by the events. "What the fuck is your prob—"

Deidara climbed atop the bed and shoved me back down, effectively shutting me right up. The blond straddled my hips as he looked down at me, a smug curl to his lips. Heat flushed my face first, but it was rushing through the rest of my body fast. "You need to be taught a lesson, kitten," Deidara hissed as he lowered his face close to mine. I pressed into the mattress, but it didn't stop Deidara from crushing his mouth onto mine.

The kiss was all raw and brutal violence, there was no passion or romance anywhere in it. My lips parted in a startled and pained gasp, and that turned out to be incredibly stupid on my part.

Deidara's tongue pressed into my mouth, brushing past my lips. It was an odd, hot sensation. I arched beneath Deidara, our chests pressing together as I attempted to free myself, but it did me no good. Deidara nipped at my lower lip and prompted a quiet groan from me—I was unable to resist it. Sharp, warm pain bloomed on my lip. Deidara smirked against my mouth as he lifted up some. "Lesson starts now," he murmured.

Panicked, I tried to move my wrists, but he rushed to pin them above my head. I struggled against him, rustling the sheets beneath us. Deidara hardly seemed put out by it. He cocked his head and lowered, his lips grazing, against my throat, where I was certain he would be able to feel my pulse racing. I flinched and cried out when he sunk his teeth into my neck, surely leaving a mark behind. I wished that sound had been entirely pain.

Deidara laved his tongue over the wound he'd left on my neck, the wet and warm sensation chasing a shudder down my back. My body arched once again, a weak attempt to escape, and perhaps a bit of something else. Panic was meeting with heat in my chest, and it was an ugly concoction. This was what Deidara had wanted this entire time, wasn't it? The whole reason he had captured me.

For the first time, I felt genuine fear.

Deidara's hand slipped up my shirt, the tongue in the mouth on his palm licking a wet stripe up my abdomen. The muscles in my belly trembled as Deidara moved his hand higher, prompting me to exhale a shaky breath. "Get the fuck off me!" I managed, though my voice was too unsteady to pack much of a punch.

Deidara chuckled above me, lowering to kiss my mouth again. This kiss didn't cut my lips against my teeth like the first had, but it still felt no less violent. I kept my lips firmly together this time, disallowing him any entry. Unfortunately, Deidara didn't take too kindly to that. He bit my lower lip hard, and what could I do but cry out in pain?

Deidara's tongue slid across my lower lip to taste the small droplet of blood that bloomed, his sharp teeth having cut me. I tried to turn my head instead, but Deidara's hand moving up to my chest made me freeze with my heart thudding in my chest. Deidara's calloused fingers slipped across the sensitive peaks of my nipples. I groaned in protest and yanked on my wrists, tears of frustration burning my eyes. Deidara couldn't do this to me. I didn't want it like this, nothing like this. I would apologize a thousand times if he'd let me.

Deidara's tongue glided over mine before he pulled away from me, both of us breathless after such a kiss. I shivered as Deidara circled one calloused fingertip over one of my nipples, gritting my teeth to stop the sound that threatened to bubble forward. "Get your hands off me!" I snapped, "don't touch me!"

With his blue eyes at half mast, Deidara looked down at me, lust having darkened his gaze. "Magic word, un?" he asked me, his voice raw and throaty. I swallowed, suddenly worried my own voice sounded that way. I couldn't allow Deidara the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten to me.

" _Please,"_  I choked out, "please get the  _fuck_  off me!"

Deidara hummed, considering, before he shook his head. The whole reaction was drawn out, like he thought this was all a great game. "I don't think so, yeah."

My eyes widened at his denial. The mouth on his palm opened suddenly and the tongue laved hotly across my nipple, causing me to arch up with a startled cry. "Stop!" I grit out, struggling to form words around the haziness settling in my head. "Please, I'm sorry! Just let me go!"

I wasn't even sure if I was pleading for him to let go of me now or altogether. I doubted he was ever going to set me free, but it was a wish that still permeated my thoughts.

Deidara hushed me softly, returning his attention to my neck as he began to kiss at it again, his lips smooth as they glided across the expanse of skin. He paused as he did, stopping near my racing pulse, where he sucked harshly at my flesh. It was a pleasant feeling that served to cloud my head even further, and I had to bite my own lip to not moan. It shouldn't have felt good, it was disgusting that it did. Fucking asshole.

Deidara smirked against my neck. "Nice. A little more, yeah," he murmured. A warning growl rumbled in my throat, my tail winding around one of my legs in my anxiety. Deidara's hips rocked above me, pressing into my own.

I didn't know which was more startling—his hardness, or my own.

Deidara groaned against my neck, his voice shaking with pleasure. "Excited, kitten?" he smirked, continuing to roll his hips.

I grit my teeth, struggling not to rock my body up into Deidara's. This was cheating, it was absolutely damned unfair.

"You're so shy, yeah. You a virgin, pretty boy?" Deidara's question gave me the strength to buck my body, almost succeeding in throwing him off. Of course, "almost" didn't mean shit. Deidara dug his knees into my hips, grinding himself down against me. My mouth opened in a moan that time, the friction too much for me to ignore. Deidara's hands dropped low then, too low, skimming the edge of my pants. I repressed a whimper, unwilling to let him see me afraid.

"Deidara, don't," I had to stop and clear my throat of the sudden lump. "Deidara-sama,  _please_." I resorted to lowering myself to using the respectful honorific, too afraid of the consequences if I didn't. For a moment we were both still, and I feared Deidara would deny that request, too.

Fortunately, he pulled his hands away, freeing my other wrist and removing his hand from  _private_  places. "Good boy," he cooed the praise. I almost choked on a retaliation.

I jerked both my hands down and pushed him off me, sitting up and hugging my arms around me. I was furious, I was violated, I was furious.

"Aw, are you angry at me now, yeah?" Deidara grinned sinisterly. "I warned you, didn't I?"

I grit my teeth. I didn't trust myself to talk. If I did, I was sure I would spew something that would get me in further trouble. Deidara smiled, a genuine smile, and leaned forward to kiss me. That kiss was a far cry from the ones we'd shared earlier; it was calmer, it was softer.

"Yeah, I think I'll keep you around for a while, un."


	4. Chapter 4

The mornings were growing colder, the further we were getting towards autumn. I woke up because the room was so damn drafty, making me shiver myself awake. I huddled backwards into the only source of warmth in the bed. Said source chuckled, blowing a puff of warm air against the crook of my neck. Blearily, I opened my eyes, squinting against the early morning light. Inches away from me, Deidara blinked his own eyes open, startling me into the realization that we'd tangled together last night in sleep. He had allowed me to share the bed with him a few nights ago and I'd been too cold to sleep anywhere else in the room since.

"Sleep well, princess?" Deidara asked. I groaned, both protesting the derogatory nickname as well as getting woken so early. I remembered that he and Sasori had a mission that day, something simple that wouldn't take too long. Recon, I believed.

I turned over away from Deidara and burrowed beneath the blankets, seeking more sleep and a way to escape the sunlight. Out of nowhere, from down the hall, I heard muted shouting and the sound of something crashing. I sat up at the commotion, startled, and caught Deidara sighing. He rolled his blue eyes, the sunlight glittering off them and making them seem as pretty as a glimmering lake.

Wait, pretty? Why was that in my vocabulary anywhere near Deidara's name?

Deidara got out of bed with about as much eagerness as I felt about waking up. My traitorous eyes dropped down to his shirtless torso, widening in surprise. He hadn't slept without his shirt before. Sunlight gleamed off his skin as he stretched, showing off the planes of muscles his shirt had hidden. The sight stirred something carnal within me. Deidara caught me staring and cocked a blond brow at me, a curious and cocky smirk on his lips.

I scoffed and flopped back down into bed, pulling the covers over me. I could hear Deidara laughing from under my safety blankets as he dressed. I counted the seconds until he left the room, listening as the door opened. The muted yelling suddenly became a louder and even angrier cacophony. I threw the blanket off then, both to get some damn air, and because I recognized Amaya's voice among the yelling. The other voice must be Sasori's. I'd seen so little of him over the course of living there that I'd yet to identify his voice, but it had to belong to him.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as my ears swiveled, trying to pick apart what the argument was about, but the voices were too jumbled. I knew that, whatever my sister got herself into, she could get herself out of. That didn't mean I didn't want to be nosy and worried. How could I worry about her, though, when I was struggling with problems of my own? A very big, pretty problem called Deidara?

It was an unhealthy thought, given our harsh behavior with one another. What was it about the man that drew me to him? What in his volatile, perverse, wicked personality could possibly get under my skin so much? Every time I thought of his smug smirk, the way his eyes sparkled whenever he was creating a new sculpture, when he was ready to blow them up and watch the show…the way his hands felt on my body whenever he touched me…my heart would start to race, just like it was right then.

"Alex, c'mere for a second, yeah!" Deidara's call made me muffle a groan into my pillow.

"You come here," I called back, "I'm comfortable."

"If you make me come get you, you'll regret it." Deidara's warning wasn't one I doubted. With all the noise of a dying cat, I dragged myself out of bed to go and see what the blond wanted. Half of the blankets clung to me as I left, forcing me to wrestle them off me and throw them all back onto the bed. Yeah, great, that'd be fun to remake.

I stormed into the living area to find Deidara standing near the kitchen, while that bastard who liked to torment my sister and me, Hidan, sat in one of the chairs. He looked a little worse for wear, hinting that he must've returned from a mission not too long ago. He spared me a look and burst out into a laugh. I flinched at the loud sound. "What? What did you want?" I asked, directing at least one of those questions at Deidara.

Hidan turned his head towards Deidara. "You move fast, don't you, Deidara-chan?"

I snickered behind my hand at the honorific, earning a foul look from Deidara, the same one he aimed at Hidan not a moment later. Of course, Hidan had only furthered my own curiosity instead of answering it. I was about to repeat my question, hoping someone would give me a damn answer, when a man happened to brush past me then. It was the tall, imposing swordsman. Kisame, if I recalled the infamous stories I'd heard correctly.

"You have a hickey, kid." Kisame was the one who answered me. It took a few seconds for the realization to sink in, and when it did, I was darting from the living area and back towards my shared room. The bathroom mirror was still misty from Deidara's early shower, and I angrily scrubbed the steam off until I could see my reflection. There, right on my neck, was a violet hickey, plain as day. I rubbed at my neck too, as if I could manage to scrub the hickey away if I tried hard enough. "Damn it, you stupid blond," I muttered to myself. His voracious attentions had only grown bolder over time, and it was showing. Now he was leaving marks in visible places, leaving me no hope of covering them up.

I was to blame, too. I had to own up to that shameful admission. I'd stopped trying to push Deidara away at some point, perhaps that very first night it had all begun.

"Watch yourself," Deidara's sudden voice behind me made me jump and whirl to face him. Jesus, for someone so loud, he could sure sneak up on people when he wanted. Deidara pressed me back against the counter, where the marble dug some into my back. I lifted my chin to be more level with his height and look into his eyes.

"What did you want?" I repeated, mindful of how close my mouth was to Deidara's.

The bomber grazed his fingers reverently across the hickey on my neck, drawing a shudder from me. "Sasori and I will be gone until late tonight. Think you can be good until then, yeah? I'm not gonna be here to save you."

"You're no knight in shining armor," I reminded him. I glanced to the side when Deidara's door burst open and Amaya fell through, shoved to the floor by an unseen force. I could hear Sasori say something to her, to which she snarled in return, making my hair stand on end. The vicious sound wasn't directed at me and it still terrified me. Deidara clicked his tongue in disapproval at the display before he cupped my face and turned me, taking my attention away from the apparent war transpiring. He pressed a chaste kiss to my mouth. I closed my eyes to savor the brief moment, realizing I was behaving like someone who had become addicted to something insidious for them. "Be good, kitten. Maybe you'll get a reward, yeah."

A reward didn't sound super promising, but Deidara had already left before I could ask if my reward might be for him to just leave me alone. It would be easier if he did instead of tempting me.

The blond stepped over my sister as he left, locking us both inside. It was the first they had left us alone together, but my delight for that was dampened by how obviously upset she was. I rushed to her and fell to her side, where I reached to try and help her up. "Amaya, are you hurt?"

She growled at me when I touched her, pulling her arm away. Wounded by her abrasiveness, I repeated her name in a surprised tone.

It seemed to snap her out of it, but she didn't move her arm back for me to touch. "Amaya, come on, you have to get up." I wasn't sitting on the floor all day, and neither was she.

"No, leave me here to die before he comes back and does it himself." Amaya's dramatic protest was…disconcerting. I sighed as I brushed her hair from her eyes, happy that she didn't snarl me away, that time.

"What are you talking about? What happened, why were you two arguing?" I asked, allowing my curiosity to the forefront.

Amaya exhaled a weary sigh, and I realized then how utterly exhausted she looked. Her eyes were dull and drained. "I made him angry," she responded emptily. Her anemic answer irritated me some, but I could press her for answers once I got us both off the ground. Taking her arm, I hefted her up and pulled her to the bed. She stumbled forward and fell against the mattress, grunting as she caught her balance and clambered on up. "Damn it, Alex," she muttered, her voice heavy with effort. Had Sasori done the same thing Deidara had done to me, that horrible pain that the bracelets could cause? Deidara hadn't repeated that incident—if anything, the only pain he was causing me lately was a headache.

Amaya winced as she sat up, reminding me much of how I'd felt when Deidara had used the bracelet against me. You felt like you couldn't move, like your very bones ached if you so much as breathed. "What did he do?" I asked, putting more force into my inquiry.

Amaya rolled her shoulders lazily. "I pissed him off, so he knocked me around a little," she replied. Her evasive, laconic answers were about to piss me off. I hated those types of replies, especially when they didn't even answer anything

"That's it?" I asked. She looked uncomfortable, turning to face away from me.

"Never mind, Alex. It doesn't matter. I just want to get some sleep before they get back, okay?" Amaya was already sinking into the sheets as she spoke, her eyelids fluttering shut. She'd conked out within seconds, leaving me on my own. Now I could really tell something was wrong, she was completely out of it. I wanted to help her, somehow, but…

How could I help her if I couldn't help myself?

* * *

I must have passed out at some point, myself. I remembered I'd been reading one of the books Deidara had gotten for me, an effort to keep me from getting into anything else, the next I was waking up beside my sister to the sound of the base entrance slamming shut. It always echoed throughout the entire base. Amaya hardly moved at the sound, though it woke her up. "They're back," she said under her breath, sounding dry and defeated. It spooked me, and I was about to sit up and demand she explain everything, but we had no time for that. Deidara clicked the door open then, his eyes grave.

"Danna wants to see you," he said, looking right at my sister. "Immediately." He stood by the door to let Amaya out. I reached out as she got out of the bed, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't stand between her and Sasori, not for long, at least. Her teeth were chewing on her lower lip as she left, nodding at Deidara as she passed him. My stomach wrung itself as Deidara shut the door, sighing. "Best pray for your sister, yeah."

I'd like to do a lot more than pray. Deidara didn't spare me a glance as he fetched clothes from a drawer and disappeared into the bathroom to wash off the dirt and blood clinging to his skin. My own hair was still damp from the shower I'd taken earlier; I'd bet that's why I'd passed out, after getting all cozy after a hot shower. I hoped all the hot water was gone when Deidara went to use it, and I wanted that for no reason other than pure pettiness. The blond's shower was broken; when you wanted cold water, you turned the knob to hot, and vice versa if you wanted warm water. It gave you the exact opposite of what you expected and what you wanted. Much like Deidara.

When Deidara came out of the shower, his long hair cascading in a damp wave down his shoulders, I felt my mouth go dry. I was woefully unprepared for the stunning sight of the young man wearing only a towel around his waist. My eyes traveled lower, following the dip of Deidara's hips.

"Like something you see, yeah?" Deidara asked, his teeth bared in a suggestive leer. I scoffed at the insinuation and turned my head—yeah, fuck, I'd gotten caught. I could still brush it off.

"You know," Deidara continued, "I'm surprised you're still a virgin, yeah."

I stiffened a bit. I'd never specifically shared that fact with him, but he'd deduced it himself and I'd never outright lied about it. "Why's that?" I asked, well aware I was confirming Deidara's suspicions.

"Most street kids resort to sex to get what they need, yeah. I've seen plenty of whores lying around the alleys."

Everything about that statement rubbed me the wrong way. Rage bubbled in my gut and boiled over, spilling like the words were spilling out of my mouth. "How dare you!" I snarled, "people do what they have to, you have no right to judge them, and you have no fucking right to assume that about me, either!" I wouldn't have sunk to that, I could never picture it, but I had no right to judge those who had to. I respected people who were willing to sacrifice enough to take care of themselves and those who relied on them. Deidara had no fucking right. "Fuck you!"

I gasped when I found myself shoved onto my back, Deidara's hands clamping around my wrists and pinning them beside my head. "Be careful what you wish for, yeah."

A startled flush rose onto my face, but this position was far from unfamiliar. Deidara's smirk broadened and he leaned down to kiss me. Reflexively, I lifted my head to press against him and kiss back. I couldn't ask not to be judged for it, because I judged the hell out of myself. Deidara had that way about him that sucked a person in and held them there, unable to crawl out, the only path was to sink deeper. Deidara's tongue pressed against my closed lips, coaxing me to part them and allow him to deepen the kiss. I still hadn't quite gotten the hang of it, but I tried to mimic what Deidara did. He'd never complained about my kissing, at least.

I made the smallest of sounds and squirmed against Deidara as his tongue slipped into my mouth and against my own. Deidara nipped at my lower lip as he lifted away a fraction. "You gonna be good if I let you go?" he asked, giving my wrists a purposeful squeeze. I nodded my head, my mouth open as I sucked air into my burning lungs. Deidara let me go, and instead of doing what I should've and shoving Deidara away, I reached up and buried my fingers in his hair. He emitted a surprised sound as I pulled him down into another kiss.

I was caught. I'd become addicted to a drug far more heinous than anything I could have picked up on the streets.

I looked into Deidara's eyes as I bit his bottom lip and pulled it between my teeth, watching as his blue eyes grew hazy with lust. It filled me with a sense of pride, knowing I was the one prompting Deidara to sink just as much as I was. Hungrily, Deidara began to unbutton the shirt I was wearing and all but ripped it off me, the fabric tearing as he shoved it off my shoulders. I shrugged it off and let it get lost amongst the rustling sheets. Deidara's palm rested on my hip, and I felt teeth nibbling at my skin.

I resisted the urge to cover myself when Deidara's free hand rose to my chest, plucking at one of my nipples. They were already hardening from the cool air, and Deidara's attention to them wasn't helping. I groaned, turning my head to the side and allowing Deidara access to my throat. Warm, soft lips grazed my sensitive skin, leaving a trail of wet warmth behind as Deidara licked a stripe down my neck. His teeth hinted near my shoulder before I felt him bite, sinking his teeth into me. I cried out at the feeling, arching my back. Our hips pressed together because of my movement and I could already feel Deidara's erection. Great, he was leaving me more hickeys to hide. Instead of irritating me, the thought managed to turn me on. I didn't want anyone knowing what had happened, but the thought they  _could_  made my heart race.

Deidara slipped lower down the bed, and I shivered harshly when he blew a puff of warm air over my nipple. I tried to brace myself, but I still flinched when he wrapped his lips around the pert bud, his hot tongue laving over it. Sharp tingles of pleasure arced through my nerves, sending blood straight south. I rolled my hips against Deidara's this time, outright seeking more friction. The thin towel was doing little to hide any of Deidara's modesty, not that he had much left. I skimmed my fingers down the blond's back, digging my nails into his hips to force his hips down against mine.

Deidara growled, grazing his teeth against my nipple. His free hand reached up to roll my other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, leaving me to gasp and whine under the attention. With his free hand, Deidara slid it lower to unbutton my jeans and push them down my thighs. The realization made me sober some and I flinched away from Deidara. He pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw. "It's all right, I've got you, yeah."

I exhaled a shaky sigh, my ears flattening down in distress. Deidara leaned back up to place a kiss against my mouth, his hand now rubbing against the tent in my boxers. It was hard to think anything when he was moving his hand like that, ripping a frantic moan from me. The kiss remained soft, reassuring, like a promise of sorts. I hugged my arms around Deidara and tilted my head, nipping at Deidara's ear. "I want you to fuck me," I murmured, the salacious request drawing a growl from Deidara.

He didn't disappoint.

* * *

I was trembling in the aftermath of our sex, staring at the ceiling in a complete daze while beside me, Deidara tied off the condom to throw it away. My nerves were still thrumming with pleasure and my limbs felt heavy, moving was off the agenda for the night. Maybe even part of the next morning, if the threatening ache in my back burgeoned into something greater.

Deidara got back into bed and turned over to hook an arm around my waist. I didn't shy away, but I didn't sink into his embrace, either. I had just lost my virginity, and it was to a man I'd known a few weeks at most. I couldn't remember the date of the day my sister and I got abducted, but it had been a couple of moon cycles, I thought.

Deidara sighed against my neck and I shuddered. My mother once, long ago, said people laid with people they loved, that was why she'd married our father and had children. I mean, obviously I wasn't going to be having children myself, but I had still disregarded what I had thought for so long to be important. I'd slept with someone I didn't love and who definitely didn't love me in return. Now what was I going to do when Amaya and I broke out of this place? Forget about those baby blues that looked at me with such passion, such intensity? Forget the voice that had whispered reassurances to me, who laughed at my sarcastic remarks? Forget those hands that could sculpt and create beautiful things and that touched me with reverence?

…Could I also forget the times they'd touched me in anger?

Could I forget Deidara?

_Oh, I was fucked._

* * *

I was hoping Sasori's temper may have softened while he was out, that he might've forgotten what had transpired that morning, but those hopes were all in vain.

Earlier that morning…I had royally fucked up.

I awoke pressed up against Sasori's back. I'd started sleeping in his bed ever since the night the crack had started letting water into the corner, even on nights that it didn't rain. Sasori never said anything, nor did he fix that crack in the wall, so I assumed him to be accepting of the new conditions. Sasori slept much less than I did; he would go to bed after I did and tended to rise before I did. That morning, however, I woke up pressed to his side, leeching warmth from him. It wasn't the first time it had happened, I often woke up once or twice a night and had to separate myself from him before he woke up. I couldn't say for sure if Sasori was aware of it happening or not, but I was trying to keep him from finding out if he didn't.

I sat up and stretched, groaning as the muscles in my back popped in protest. Sudden, gentle fingertips grazed along the tense planes of my back, startling me. I arched away with a gasp and turned my head to glance at Sasori, the perpetrator of almost giving me a heart attack.

Sasori looked back at me dryly, "Still so jumpy?"

"You haven't given me much reason not to be," I said. In the weeks (how many, I couldn't say) I had lived as Sasori's prisoner, he never failed to startle me every chance he got. I was starting to wonder if he was doing it on purpose. I watched as the man left the bed, stretching out himself. The sweats he was wearing slipped down his hips a little, revealing a faint trail of red hair to me.

I cleared my throat as I looked away. It wasn't my first sneaky glimpse, I doubted it'd be the last. Sasori caught my attention rather easily, whether I found myself staring at him or latched onto his every word when he began to talk to me about his art form. His puppetry and the puppets themselves were his proudest achievements, I'd soon learned, and I could prompt stories about each one of them from him, if Sasori was in a good enough mood. It took him several nights to indulge me at all, but eventually he'd grown weary of my constant probing and began to share. I found that I liked the stories, more than that, I liked listening to the soothing lull of Sasori's voice.

I was a disgrace for treating my captor as human when I should've treated him like the enemy he was.

"You're too tense," Sasori broke into my thoughts suddenly, "that's why you're so sore in the mornings." He glanced over his shoulder at me as he dressed, all the while I kept my head down. I wasn't sure for whom I was looking away for, myself or Sasori.

"I'm 'tense' because I'm a captive in a dangerous place," I snipped back. "And, I'm stuck with an S-rank bastard. How easy would you find it to let loose?"

Sasori scoffed as he finished dressing, running a hand through his short locks. "Be careful what you say, girl. Words can get you in as much trouble as actions."

I sneered at Sasori as I got out of bed, pointing a finger at him. "I'm not afraid of you," I told him, not my brightest moment. "What are you going to do, throw a few dolls at me?

Stupid, stupid girl.

I gasped as I collapsed to the ground, my knees making a painful sound as they cracked against the floor. None of my limbs would respond to me anymore, even as I struggled with all my might. They were at the mercy—I was at the mercy—of formidable strength. Oh, yes, I was afraid. I cringed in pain and horror, watching as Sasori approached me, and I had nowhere to go. I wanted to shrink away from the imposing man as he neared me, eyes ablaze with annoyance. He reached out and gripped my jaw, roughly tilting my head up to face him. "What was it you said, about not being scared?" he murmured coolly. I was certain that, if he couldn't hear my stampeding heart, he could see the raw terror in my eyes. I would almost rather Sasori yell at me, yelling was much more predictable than Sasori's quiet, enraged tone. It still managed to fill my entire head like yelling would have.

My fear did nothing to reign me in like it should have. I wasn't having it today, not after so long of sitting pretty. Everyone had their limits, and mine were cracking. "Let go of me!" I seethed, "you wouldn't be so brave if you didn't have me at your complete control!"

Sasori narrowed his eyes. From the corner of my gaze, I saw him flick his forefinger. It was such a benign movement—one that sent me sprawling to the side. My body jerked as if Sasori had thrown me, and I crashed into the wall, cracking my head and back against the solid surface. I cried out, but the sound of my body colliding with the wall mostly drowned out my voice. "What the fuck is—"

"You say those words, but you fail to understand them." Sasori raised his hand and pinned me up against the wall, like a child pinning a butterfly. "You're right, I have complete control over you. Now, remember that and learn to respect me before I do something I might regret!" his voice began to rise in anger then. I pinned my ears down against my hair, as if I might block his yelling out. I'd only heard him raise his voice once, and it was to call out to Deidara.

"You're crazy!" I yelled back, "why don't you just let me go! What use do you have for me, you bastard?!"

Sasori curled his fingers and my body got yanked forward. I cried out as I landed against his chest, startled by the firm muscle hidden behind his shirt. I never pegged Sasori for raw physical strength, not when he favored long-range battle so much. Sasori didn't even flinch when I landed against him, and I scrambled to get my hands on his chest to push some distance between us, but he wouldn't allow me much room to move. "I'm sure there are many uses for you, girl," he murmured, his voice returning to that low and dangerous timbre. I couldn't help a shiver at the implication behind Sasori's words.

I snarled in retaliation, the last line of defense I seemed to have. Sasori scoffed and dropped me, leaving me to wheeze on the ground as he vanished into the bathroom to, I presume, finish getting ready. I only vaguely recalled that he was going on a mission today with his partner. Sasori saw fit to remind me, anyway. "Deidara and I won't return until later tonight. Behave yourself until then, you're acting like a wild dog."

"Fuck you, I'll find a way out of here!" I snapped, still buzzing with rage that I was struggling to regain control of.

Sasori scowled at me when he came back. "You're not nearly as strong as you think, child. Learn that before you get yourself hurt."

I lunged at Sasori. What came over me, I wasn't sure, but I'd already done it and couldn't take it back. I regretted it the second my body twitched into motion. Sasori sidestepped my attack, dodging completely. I thrust my arm out in a last-ditch attempt to punch him or claw him, at least wound him somehow. Sasori caught my wrist and yanked me forward, onto my knees. I cried out in pain, but Sasori didn't let up. He wrenched both my arms behind my back, rendering me all but helpless. I struggled against him fruitlessly, thrashing and tugging against him until finally, I couldn't anymore.

My breathing was ragged as I fell still, panting and sagging in Sasori's grip. "You see?" the redhead began, "I have you at my mercy. I can do anything I want, and there's nothing you can do about it." My eyes widened at the warm breath that fanned across my ear, the matter-of-fact tone of his voice making me tremble in frightened anticipation. Sasori dropped my arms then, and I hissed in pain as they fell back into place, my shoulders aching from being held in the tense position. My relief was fleeting, for Sasori grabbed my wrist and yanked me back off the floor to drag me out of the room.

I stumbled over my own feet as he yanked me towards Deidara's room, where he pushed the door open and threw me inside, where I fell to the floor. "I'll deal with you when I get home," he hissed at me.

When Sasori had come home and Deidara had come to tell me, I was sure both he and Alex could hear my pounding heart. I trudged out of the room, certain I was heading for my death. When I reached my room and shut the door behind me, it felt like I was sealing my own fate. Sasori kept his back to me for several seconds as he finished writing something at his desk. When he stood, the noise the chair made caused me to flinch, but it was nothing compared to my flinch when Sasori turned and pinned me to the wall with a single look. He approached me with a calm stride as he came to stand over me. His hands gripped my wrists to pin them up next to my head. I winced and swallowed, but I was unable to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat.

He was stronger than I was and that made it futile to try to unpin myself, but I still kicked my legs out in an attempt to hurt him. I hated feeling so vulnerable, with him restraining me like that! Sasori watched me, unimpressed, shifting his position to make it difficult for me to kick my legs out. I swore at him something fierce. He couldn't do this to me—he couldn't make me feel helpless and useless like this! I wasn't weak, I wasn't going to be a fucking victim, not for him.

"Still feel brave, girl?" he asked me, his face only inches from mine. My heart was aching in my chest, but I refused to look away. Sasori leaned closer and closed the distance between us, his lips just barely skimming my own. I began to tremble, heat rushing to my face. "You're weak, you're vulnerable. Do you still think you can escape me and run off?"

Slowly, I shook my head. No, I didn't believe that, I wasn't sure I ever did. I'd been trying to piss Sasori off, I'd wanted to get to him as much as he'd gotten to me, and I'd succeeded.

"You're shaking," Sasori pointed out. "Are you scared of me?"

I sunk my teeth into my lip. If I were to lie, Sasori would see right through it, but to admit it? I would only be giving Sasori more power, and he didn't need any more of that.

With one hand keeping my wrists pinned, Sasori slid his free hand lower, pausing at the hem of my shirt. I caught onto his game, then. "Are you?" he repeated, promising consequences if I didn't answer.

"Yes," I admitted breathlessly, pressing back into the wall. I…I didn't believe Sasori would go through with it. I didn't see that in him. But, it was the threat, the realization that he could, that made me confess my terror of him.

Sasori pulled his hands away, a satisfied gleam in his eyes. "I've finally found a way to control you."

_Is that really what you want?_


	5. Chapter 5

Have you ever stopped and wondered, "What have I done to deserve this?"

I've been thinking that question for a while, now. I'd thought it before, but until you end up locked away inside a freezing base, trapped with powerful nin and an infamous S-rank who could kill you at any moment, you have no real right to go asking questions like that. Perhaps this was fate's way of punishing me for feeling so sorry for myself, before.

Without any other outlet for my restless anxieties, I had taken to pacing the room. It been a couple of days since Sasori's and my…altercation. He hadn't allowed me out of the room since then, and I was too reluctant to ask, so that left me alone with my own thoughts.

Sasori attacked me. He hadn't hurt me, but he could have, and he wanted me to know that. What had he meant by a "way to control me" that night? Did he really plan to try and beat me into submission? Life had done that enough on its own, I sure didn't plan to let one person do it. Why had he done that in the first place, when he'd seemed so careless about me before?

Why was he such a bastard?!

"Must you pace?" Sasori's voice jolted me out of my inner monologue so suddenly that I nearly jumped out of my skin. I covered my mouth, but it only stopped the tail end of my scream of surprise. I turned around to glare at Sasori, the very object of all my frustrations.

"Someone should have taught you not to sneak up on people!" I exclaimed.

Sasori arched a fine brow and offered me a smirk. It was an expression I'd grown familiar with, but not used to, as it never failed to chase a shudder down my back. "It isn't ladylike to curse," Sasori admonished.

I scoffed and turned my back to him, indicating he should leave me alone. My mind was a mass destruction zone as things were, I didn't need Sasori adding on to any of it. My emotions were torrential right then, and with the right incentive they could drown us both.

Out of nowhere, I felt Sasori's breath against my neck, and I stiffened, frozen in place. Sasori said nothing to me as I sucked in a shallow breath, watching as he reached out past me and took a jar off the shelf. I could only exhale when he backed away from me. The asshole, he knew what he was doing, he'd done it on purpose!

"Bastard," I muttered. That was when my body, for the nth time, fell out of my control and into Sasori's. I turned around against my will and found myself toe to toe with Sasori, who was looking down at me with narrowed eyes. I could all but taste the tension in the room.

"Care to repeat that?" Sasori asked. I flushed at the sudden, far too close contact, and swore to myself when I failed to move even an inch away. Sasori had me, hook, line, and sinker.

"No," I eventually relented, if only to convince Sasori to let go of me. Talk about a control freak. When Sasori lowered his hand and I felt control renter my body, I stumbled backwards, away from Sasori.

"Stop toying with me! Why do you keep doing this?!" I implored Sasori to tell me, to stop fucking around with these mind games. I couldn't take them anymore.

Sasori, feigning a look of innocence, merely shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't play stupid, you know exactly what I'm talking about!" I jabbed an accusatory finger in Sasori's direction. "You keep trying to intimidate me, to try and make me obey—"

In the span of a single second, I realized three things. One, Sasori was very fast; two, Sasori was very powerful; and three, I was very stupid.

Sasori took my arms and shoved me back against the wall, pinning my hands and holding me with the weight of his body. He didn't have to use his infamous chakra strings. With his chest pressed against mine, I had no room to move, hardly enough room to breathe. Not that I was doing a lot of that, my air had gotten trapped in my lungs and I couldn't seem to exhale it out. I was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

"I'm not  _trying_  to do anything, I'm  _succeeding_ ," Sasori hissed. "You think you're stronger than you are. I control you, you're mine, and it's easy to do so. So, I suggest you shut up for once, and perhaps make your life a little easier, hm?" A quiet anger emanated from Sasori's tone, blaring warnings at me. Too far, I was going too far. I wanted to nod, to agree with him, to tell him that he was in control. But, my pride wouldn't allow it, my past wouldn't allow it, the angry and screaming woman inside me wouldn't allow it. How could I look at myself ever again if I allowed Sasori to walk over me and succeed in the very thing he wanted? So, instead of doing all those things that may have extended my lifespan, I said one of the dumbest things I could have.

"Fuck you!" I snarled, practically spitting. "Fuck you for all of this! You won't ever control me, not in any way! Now, get the hell off me!"

Sasori's eyes flashed with something venomous. "Now you've done it."

It was like a storm, I realized. Lightning flashed in Sasori's eyes, but it struck me. I opened my mouth to ask him what the fuck he was talking about when he suddenly wrenched me to the side, throwing me onto his bed with all the carelessness of tossing a sack of flour. I grunted as I hit the bed, feeling much like a thrown doll. I cried out in shock and started to stand, but Sasori was on top of me before I even reached the edge of the bed. Everything felt like it had crawled to slow motion.

I looked up into the stormy eyes of my master and bit my lip. It was all I could do to keep my heart from jumping out of my throat.  _Fuck, what have I done?_

I struggled to back up on the bed, to somehow maneuver myself to get out from under Sasori, but the man grasped my wrists and held them down, keeping me right where he wanted me. My heart was thudding in my chest, so hard that it hurt and so loud that I was sure Sasori could hear it. My body, traitorous as it was, continued to tremble. In my defense, I was pretty fucking terrified.

"You're an insufferable brat who needs to learn her place," Sasori was fuming mad. I yanked on my wrists, hoping that I might at least take Sasori off guard enough that he'd loosen his grip. He only chuckled in response, breathless with incredulous surprise. "You're still trying to fight, even after you've already lost?" he almost sounded like he was impressed, or perhaps like he was teasing me.

Sasori pulled away some then, releasing my arms, but when I attempted to roll out from underneath him, I still found myself immobilized. My arms got pulled up above my head and my legs bent as they spread some, affording Sasori room to sit between them. I whimpered, realizing Sasori could hold me down and move me without even expending any of his own energy. I'd never felt so vulnerable in my entire life; like a deer in the jaws of a lion. "Sasori, please—"

"Shut up," Sasori's order made me snap my mouth shut. Clenching my jaw was all I could do to avoid my lips trembling. "If I were to stop every time you pleaded, you wouldn't ever learn."

Well, not if you didn't give me a chance—another one. A cool hand slid beneath my shirt then, stopping only beneath the hem. I sucked in a shaky breath, attempting to suck in and away from Sasori's palm. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I slammed them shut before Sasori could see them. I couldn't let him have that satisfaction, I couldn't let him believe he had that much power over me. He would repeat this process again—I couldn't break.

I stiffened when Sasori slid his hand higher beneath my shirt, and I began to realize something. Sasori was waiting for my reaction, that was what he was waiting for. That was the whole purpose of that, wasn't it, to scare me and gain those reactions? Was Sasori…would he even go that far? Was it a game of which one of us broke first?

Sasori paused for a moment, and I could feel his smirk even with my eyes squeezed shut. "Why are you crying?" he asked, and I felt him swipe the pad of his thumb against my cheek, wiping away a tear I hadn't known had fallen. I grit my teeth in a snarl, sorely tempted to bite at his hand. Instead, I bit my lip and turned my head to the side, pulling away from his hand.

"Look at me, dog," Sasori's voice hardened. I flinched at the degrading name, he'd never referred to me that way, in fact it was the first he'd even acknowledged my obvious ibrida heritage. I cut my eyes to glare at Sasori for the insult. He thought he was so far above me, didn't he? So far above damn near everyone. He wasn't fucking infallible; what was happening right then proved it. "Why are you crying?" Sasori repeated the question, his voice impatient, but it was less caustic, as if he were genuinely curious. He actually wanted me to answer?

My face suffused with heat as I glanced back at him, loathe to answer. I couldn't tolerate someone else having so much control over me. Sasori and I were an immovable object and an unstoppable force, and we were going to burn each other out before the end.

"Because I'm fucking scared, is that what you want to hear,  _Danna?"_  I sneered, sarcasm dripping from my words. Sasori exhaled a low sigh as he leaned up some, pulling one of his hands back.

"Crack!" His open palm slapped across my face, lighting my skin with pain and making me cry out in shock. My head had snapped to the side from the force behind Sasori's hand, but I turned to look back at him, completely dumbstruck.  _He just fucking hit me._

I blinked the tears out of my eyes, my cheek stinging something awful. My skin was red for an entirely different reason, then.

"Watch your mouth," Sasori warned. Right, my mouth was the whole reason I was in this mess. I'd be better off taping my mouth shut before I got into deeper trouble. I sucked in a sharp inhale.  _I've taken worse. I can take it, I'm okay._

Sasori reached to the side then, the sound of a drawer opening made my ears prick up. What was he—

A kunai, Sasori had a kunai in his hand when he pulled his arm back. My gaze flitted between the blade and Sasori. My heart skidded to a grinding halt from where it had been racing, feeling like a train wreck inside my chest. Was he going to cut me? Stab me and be done with me? No, I couldn't leave Alex, I couldn't abandon him. Not like our parents.

Sasori lowered the weapon to the hem of my shirt, where he began to drag it upwards, the blade slicing through the fabric like scissors gliding through paper. The sound of ripping fabric made my ears pin down again. It was a quiet sound, but it might've been screeching metal for how much it made my head throb. "I have ways to control you," Sasori said, his eyes watching my face as he slid the kunai upwards. "But, only one seems to really get to you."

I hungered to confirm my suspicions, to push until I saw which one of us broke first. I didn't believe Sasori was serious, I didn't see that in him, I thought that he was only trying to frighten me into submission. But, the more he pushed, the more I could hear my own feet sliding backwards, giving way to that unstoppable force. My breathing became shallower as I felt the cool edge of the knife against my skin. "Sasori, please…don't do this," I whispered, unable to find it in myself to raise my voice any higher.

"Don't do what?" Sasori asked, and he paused for a moment. But, when I neglected to answer him immediately, he started to drag the kunai higher again. My shirt tore further, revealing my navel. If I didn't hurry and swallow my pride, I was going to find myself unable to go back. I couldn't let that door shut on me—I couldn't let this happen, I couldn't let us go past the point of no return. It was going to burn both of us.

"What you're planning on doing!" I managed to scrounge up a little extra volume, that time. "Please, just let me go! I promise I'll be good!" There was quicksand beneath my feet, and I was sinking lower with every word.

Sasori cocked his head at me, contemplating my request. "And if you don't?" he asked, but all I noticed was that the kunai had fallen still, resting below my heaving chest. "I keep allowing you to get away without any retribution, and I've grown sick of your mouth. You keep digging yourself a deeper hole, now that you can't get out of it, you want to beg me?"

No retribution, huh? What about that day you slammed me against a wall, or the current bruise on my face? I wasn't a dog Sasori could punish whenever he saw a fit. I was a human, was he too blind to see that?

"Please," I whispered. My pathetic voice shamed me, but between my life and my pride, I thought I knew which one I valued more.

Sasori cocked a brow, and we were both still for several seconds, seconds that I couldn't seem to breathe. Finally, Sasori sighed and tossed the kunai to the side, where it clattered onto the floor carelessly. He got off then, subsequently freeing me from the control of his chakra strings. I felt like I could breathe again for the first time since he had shoved me onto his bed.

I jerked myself upright, using my arms to hug around myself protectively. I pressed back against the headboard of the bed, still shaking in the aftermath of what had transpired. In the end, I had been the one who'd lost, but Sasori's dark expression didn't look as if he'd won anything, himself.

"You get yourself into these situations," Sasori coldly remarked, speaking like a sensei would to their student. As if I was someone who needed to obey his every word, like his voice was law. Sasori left the room after that, leaving me alone. It was the greatest gift he'd ever given me. I glanced down at my torn shirt, a dozen "what-if" scenarios beginning to play in my mind's eye. I…I didn't believe Sasori would have gone that far. He hadn't anticipated it going that far, I bet he'd thought I would crack sooner. Sasori was a man with blood on his hands, why was I trying to paint him as a man of mercy? A man who wouldn't sink that low?

I buried my face in my hands, and I began to cry. We were too combustible. It wasn't just one of us losing, anymore. We were going to go up in flames together.

_I'm going to die here._


	6. Chapter 6

She was a brat. An insolent, brazen, rude, foolish little brat.

Never had I met such an insufferable woman in my life. Even my partner's moronic views of art scarcely compared to the ire that girl brought out in me. Her crass words and temperamental attitude were like battling a wildfire with a glass of water. Part of the reason I was so infuriated was because the girl was even capable of getting under my skin at all. It had been years since anyone could rouse such anger, such  _passion_  within me, to the point where she'd tempted my hand. It was disgraceful. It was  _exciting_.

The woman had been in my life for a few months, yet she made it feel like it had been ages. I couldn't remember a day without remembering her vibrant, fierce green eyes looking at me, challenging me. She thought she was invincible, as if she were made of steel instead of glass that I could crush beneath my fist.

Oh, I could shatter her, but I was going to cut myself in the process.

She was too proud, too strong for her own good. I was sure Amaya was someone who would rather die than to admit defeat, looking back on how much it had seemed to pain her. She wanted to shove back twice as hard, even with someone who had already demonstrated total control of her…twice.

I was determined to teach the wretch some respect. If she didn't learn to curb her temper and sharp tongue, she was going to end up getting herself hurt. Had I not taken her in that day, had Deidara not noticed them, that girl would have gotten herself (and perhaps her brother) killed by someone with far less mercy than I'd exercised with her. She would get herself hurt…worse than she already was.

She would have been killed had I not taken her off the streets, had we not stopped them from going any farther. They were only kids, kids with no idea how bad the world could truly be. On the route they'd been taking, they would have run into some very dangerous, ruthless people who would see a pretty face and long to break it. Amaya believed she was tough, that she could protect her brother, but she had no understanding of how things functioned in the big villages. She was a runaway, a nomad—she had no idea how to take of herself. I had done her a favor by saving her life, regardless if she was too blind to see that. Amaya thought she could take on the entire world on her own, but she was still just a girl, just one girl. Just a fire raging out of control.

When I'd first met her, I had predicted her to be quiet and meek, she was much softer than her brother had been. Now, I could see what a mistake that had been, underestimating her. I'd been left reeling in shock the first time she'd had the audacity to mouth off to me. Her vociferous personality proved not to be a momentary issue born of brief courage; it was all her. She could evoke more emotion, more raw feeling in me than any other person had ever been capable of. Not since…

I shook my head. I wouldn't allow her to dredge up old memories, I wouldn't give that simple girl that much control.

I grit my teeth, recalling the moments she had dared to try and attack me. It was sheer stupidity, but it was impressive. I could only look at those actions and see a powerful determination, a refusal to bend and break. It was the same resilience that every ninja had to gain if they wanted to survive in a world like this—it was the power of someone indomitable, and that wasn't someone I could tolerate. I was too used to having the control, to my partners stepping down and acknowledging me as their superior. How could I allow a girl to attempt usurping that?

How could I allow her to make me empathize?

I had never meant to lose my temper, that was a foolish, mortal mistake that had lead me to strike her. I had hoped it would mellow her, and I had gotten what I'd wanted; that deference, that fear in her eyes. It had not granted me the victory or satisfaction I had so wanted. Her eyes had been so filled with distress, but there was also a crackling rage, a promise that that night was far from the end of things. A part of me felt relieved that I had yet to break her. She would be too boring, if she weren't fighting me every step of the way. I'd come to expect the resistance, I'd come to crave it.

Fear didn't suit Amaya. Not someone so dynamic, all teeth and claws. My eyes narrowed with contempt upon realizing I was regretting the actions I'd taken against her. I felt too pushed, like with each step back that she took she pulled me forward, tempting me to push her over the edge, even if it meant she'd drag me over the side along with her.

That day I had kissed her…it had been to prove a point. I'd needed to show her what she was doing that was tempting Hidan to bother her, I'd been trying to protect her—a need that baffled me still—but it had gone too far. I wanted to kiss her again, to earn that pretty reaction again. Kissing her never failed to shut her up, to make her flush cerise and stumble over her voice. Kissing her never failed to make me want more, and greed wasn't something I could afford. I had not wanted for something in years, I'd always been capable of taking care of my wants, I'd never relied on someone else. Not like this.

I hated so many things about the girl; her stubbornness, her disrespect, her pride…

I couldn't hate her, I couldn't get rid of her.

_I did not want to._

* * *

That boy was something else. One hell of a something else.

When I had first spotted him, I knew I couldn't leave him, not with the fate I knew he was headed for. He and his sister were both doomed to run into gang territory, rogue nin that Leader-sama used to patrol Ame. It kept the peace, it kept dangerous outsiders out, and even if two teenagers weren't exactly a threat, they would still be treated like outsiders. I shuddered to think of what would befall a young face if they fell into the hands of bored, territorial men.

Alex thought too highly of himself, he would have tried to take on anyone who stood in his way. That was a good way to get yourself killed. The world didn't function that way, they didn't show mercy to someone even if they were young and pretty. In fact, it took people like that, chewed them up, and spit them out. Alex had a few teeth-marks. That didn't appear to mean he'd learned his lesson. I had wanted to save him from a life like that, a life I'd once led. I knew what it was like to wander on your own, hungry and lost. Alex hadn't been alone, at least, but that only meant he had something to lose.

It had been a long time since someone had been bold enough to cross me. I tended to blow those "someones" up, but with Alex…I found myself laughing. It was the way he held himself, all bristled and hissing like a cat, that was impossible not to find charming. He was only a year or two younger than me, but he reminded me of someone older, when he wasn't throwing a temper tantrum. Of course, I had no idea how long he had been living on the streets, but they tended to harden a person and make them mature faster than they should.

I was dying to ask Alex about his life, about how the hell I'd found him and his sister wandering the woods close to Ame territory. Were they like me, or did they have their own stories to tell? I doubted Alex would be too willing to share with me even if I were to ask. We had spent a night together, but instead of building a bridge it was as if it'd torn a rift. Alex had distanced himself, placing a barrier there that even I couldn't blow up. I didn't understand, I hadn't hurt him, I'd taken care of him just like I'd promised. Just like I'd intended when I'd picked him up off the street.

Yeah, he'd shot his mouth off and gotten himself in trouble in the beginning, but had we not moved past that? Was I not done apologizing? What could I do to prove to Alex that I was on his side and I intended to keep him safe? Alex belonged to me, now. I wasn't going to let him back away after that, I was going to get to the bottom of it.

_Don't get attached, huh, Danna?_


	7. Chapter 7

The door flung open, startling me and making me drop the journal I'd been writing in. The journal had been my only confidant, since I couldn't very well talk to Deidara about it, and my sister had been absent since the day she and Sasori had gotten into that fight. I'd asked Deidara to take me to see her, or at least to tell me if she was all right, but all he told me was to "Relax, yeah. Danna isn't going to kill her!" I wasn't comforted by that much, but I at least knew she was, hopefully, safe.

When I turned to look over my shoulder, I saw Deidara standing in the doorway, his face darkened by the dim lightning. Slowly, like a deer trying to avoid detection, I closed my journal and set the pen down. Deidara's expression sent a chill down my back, and I felt like I'd run out of time; for what, though, I had no idea. He came into the room and kicked the door shut with a quiet click. "We need to talk," he told me gruffly. Oh, right, perhaps he was angry about the fact I'd been actively trying to avoid him for the better part of a week or two.

"What about?" I asked evasively, turning back around in my chair. Footsteps stormed towards me and I flinched when Deidara grabbed the back of the chair and wrenched it around, forcing me to face him as he stood above me. I shrank back in the chair, imploring it to somehow protect me from the oncoming wrath.

"You've been ignoring me, and I want to know why, un." Deidara took a seat on his bed, affording me a little bit of space. It was a minute effort, but I appreciated it all the same.

"I'm allowed to ignore you," I pointed out, feeling a bit testy. Deidara didn't own me, nor did he own my time. Not all of it. "I wanted a little space. You and I shouldn't exactly be on good terms," I reminded him, crossing my arms and aiming a derisive look at him. He'd uprooted my whole life, and I thought it'd been going pretty darn well without his interference!

Deidara, to his credit, had the grace to look chagrined. "So, we didn't meet on the best terms, does that mean I have to treat you like an enemy, now?"

Well, that would have been normal,  _healthy_. I stared at him for a moment, narrowing my eyes before I finally sighed and dropped my head. This wasn't going to get us anywhere. If I was stuck with Deidara, I wanted answers…I wanted to understand. "Why did you abduct my sister and me?" I asked, finally addressing the question that had been growing in my heart since the day I'd found myself entwined with Deidara.

Appearing taken aback, Deidara blinked. I thought for a moment he wasn't going to answer, before he offered me a lazy shrug. "You were there," he answered matter-of-factly, as if that gave me anything other than the urge to punch him. A growl rumbled in my chest, frustrated with his lack of any real explanation, and Deidara rolled his eyes. "What do you want from me, yeah? I couldn't just leave you two there. You were heading right for death."

Wait a minute, he'd thought he'd been saving me? Some kind of misguided attempt at rescuing me from a dirty life on the streets, was that it? Irritated, I scowled at Deidara. "We've lived on the streets for years, we were doing fine before you showed up!" I hissed, trying to be mindful enough to keep my voice down.

Deidara scoffed, brushing off my anger. "Don't give me that," he said, "where you two were heading, it'd make this place look like a reprieve. You know what they do to pretty faces like yours? You have no one to answer for you, you would go missing and no one would bat an eye, yeah." Deidara leaned forward then, resting his elbows on his knees. I pressed deeper into my chair to escape his penetrating gaze. "I saved you from a fate much worse than the one you've got with me, Alex."

It was so rare he called me by my actual name that it caused heat to rush to my face, just hearing him say it. "You're no big hero. I can take care of myself," I groused.

Deidara cocked his head, a fond smile overtaking the previous seriousness in his expression. "So what if you can? Does that mean I can't take care of you too, yeah?" He stood then and approached. I couldn't help leaning into his palm when he cupped my face. I tilted my head back, meeting him in a kiss as he leaned down. "You aren't on your own anymore, Alex. You don't have to make me the enemy, yeah."

"I'm not sure I know how to live in a world where the only person who isn't an enemy, happens to be my sister," I confessed. Deidara chuckled, a low sound that made goosebumps rise on my skin. I couldn't remember a life where I wasn't looking at every other person with suspicion, worried they might try to hurt me, or steal something from me. Everyone was out to get you when you were a vagabond, a homeless teenager with nothing to your name.

"I know the feeling," Deidara said, snapping me from my reverie. "I know what it's like to live in hiding, on the run. But that isn't your life anymore. You're one of us—you're  _mine_."

I smirked at his possessive claim, nipping at his lower lip to warn him not to go too far. What an annoying, brazen, beautiful man. I was succumbing, and I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty about it.

"Why don't you tell me why you ended up this way?" Deidara asked me, suddenly. The question made me flinch, so shocked was I to hear his curiosity.

"What? You mean…how Amaya and I ended up the way we were?" I clarified, watching as Deidara nodded his head. "That's…that's a long story, Deidara." I wasn't sure I was ready to share it. I'd never had to explain it to anyone, the only other person who knew what had happened was Amaya. It was rare that even we spoke about it.

"I've got time," Deidara smiled, brushing my hair from my face. He wasn't going to take the hint and let it go, was he?

Taking in a long breath, I gestured to the bed. "Fine, but you'd best sit down."

It had happened on a frosty winter's morning.

* * *

I shivered as another chill prickled across my skin. Sasori's room felt colder than usual, as if the draftiness had a vengeance, tonight. Of course, all I wore to bed were his shirts; and though they were a little big, they did little to ward off the cold. I pulled my legs closer to my body as I continued brushing out my hair, using my fingers to comb through the damp tangles. The soothing scent of strawberries still wafted through the room, along with some lingering steam from my shower. Sasori had yet to return to the room, he'd been giving me a wide berth since our last fight, the one where I think we'd both lost ourselves for a moment. Neither of us had won much from that argument.

Without Sasori to distract me, though, my mind would often wander. A wandering mind was never a good thing, not when you had so many places you would rather it stay away from. Tonight, my mind wanted to take a trip down memory lane—a  _far_  trip. I remembered, when I was little, that my mother would sit with Alex and me on the bed after a bath. She would gently brush out our hair and get us ready for bed, all while she sang us a song.

I could scarcely remember the song, it was from ages ago and it was a memory I'd rather leave blocked. Nonetheless, tonight, I found my lips forming the words, as if it'd been not a night since I'd last heard them sung. My voice rose, carrying the tune as I brushed out my hair, closing my eyes to better envision my mother. She'd had the same red locks I did, and her green eyes were always sunny and warm with kindness and mirth. Her voice could make an entire forest stop to listen. I didn't have her voice, but at least I didn't sound like an old crow. My mother, she was the epitome of grace and beauty. I could only wish to take after her. As I sang, I found myself slipping into the song, enchanted by nostalgia.

I hadn't thought anyone was nearby when I'd begun to sing. I drifted out of the spell, my voice still lingering in the air as the last note swept past my lips.

"That was…lovely," a bemused voice spoke, startling me from my airy daydream mode. I jumped some, whipping around to face the intruder. Though, how Sasori could intrude in his own room, I wasn't sure. Goodness, how out of it had I been to not notice him come in?

His cool grey eyes were fixated on me, and I wondered how long he'd stood there listening to me. Wary and unaccustomed to his praise, I glanced down away from his face. "I appreciate it," I said, because I genuinely did. It was my mother's song, after all, for him to find it lovely was praising her as much it was me. "It's an old lullaby that my mother used to sing to my brother and me, when we were little."

Sasori said nothing to that, but he watched me a moment longer, a moment where neither of us broke the silence. Not until Sasori decided he'd had enough of it and took a seat at his desk, where he began to disassemble one of his puppets, one that had been giving him trouble lately and needed a few minor repairs. I watched as his nimble fingers took to the work, but I noticed that he seemed stiffer than usual. He normally sank into his work, relaxing and losing himself in it. Finally, when he spoke, the sound took me by surprise. "You are both still young," he said, his voice quiet and failing to command the authority he usually spoke with. "Why did my partner and I find you wandering so close to Ame, homeless and lost?"

Well, it was hard to be homeless  _and_  lost. The homeless tended to have nowhere to go, and if you didn't know where you were going…

I sighed, my shoulders sagging with the weight of memory. I had never spoken to anyone about my family, the only ones who knew what had happened were those who had been there. Sharing the story with an outsider felt like I was prying open a part inside me that was shut with nails, a part that was going to hurt. Even if it did, perhaps it was time for that door to open and air out. I was stuck with Sasori, and I didn't see a future where I wasn't going to be stuck with him, not a near one. I was sure he would continue to press even if I were to brush off his curiosity once.

So, I took a breath, lifted my head, and I set to prying the nails out of that door. "When we were young, several years ago, our small town got attacked by a band of missing nin." I could see it in my head. The way flames licked at the wood of houses, of the modest restaurant where so many people ate their daily supper, until the buildings crumbled in on themselves. Some with people still inside.

"They destroyed our humble town, left nothing but ash as they burned it down and destroyed the evidence that it'd even existed. I never found out why they'd targeted us, they stole what they could but most of us had little to offer." I cleared my throat, but the lump in it was still there. It made my voice sound thin and tight. It was such an old wound, but talking about it still brought everything back in vivid color. "Only a few made it out, and we didn't stick together. I went back to search for our parents, but…there was nothing even left to bury. So, with nothing to our name, I took my brother and we fled. We've been on our own since then, and we made it just fine."

Well, perhaps "fine" was overstating things, but we survived.

Sasori was silent for several seconds while I sat, taking deep and slow breaths to try and quell the emotion. I wasn't going to cry, but the part of me I'd just pried open was raw and it ached. When Sasori spoke, I didn't bother opening my eyes. "You never settled down again, somewhere that would take in two small children?" his voice hadn't changed, but his hands had stilled, for I no longer heard the sound of his tools.

"Who would take in two extra mouths when my brother and I could hardly offer anything in return?" I remarked, still bitter. "We took years to teach ourselves how to fight and defend ourselves. Even then, we were scruffy little rogues, people would rather lock their doors than open 'em to us," I shrugged. I couldn't fault people for being wary and suspicious, but remembering the times I'd had to put my little brother to bed even when he whined for something to eat... I could damn sure be angry about it.

I happened to glance outside then, and noticed the downpour of rain coming down in sheets. It struck me that, had Sasori and Deidara not found us, Alex and I would be outside in the freezing rain with barely a change of clothes.

Sasori glanced at me, a quick look that I'd almost missed, but I caught a hint of something in his gaze. Something cracking the cool silver frost of his eyes. He stood from his desk, and I cocked my head as he approached the bed and took a seat, keeping his back towards me. "How old were you?"

I wasn't expecting the question. I thought for a moment. "Perhaps nine, ten?" I deduced, recalling it'd been almost a decade.

Sasori's shoulders stiffened as he hunched forward some, and I fought the urge to ask him why he was so curious now. Something in me encouraged me to wait and, in a couple of minutes, I was rewarded with Sasori exhaling a sigh. "I was five," he said, his voice taking on a solemn edge.

Puzzled, my brow furrowed. It took me several moments to catch on to what Sasori was sharing with me, and a large bout of empathy welled inside me. "You lost your parents when you were five?" I pressed, mindful of keeping my voice low. I feared Sasori might get angry, might decide that he'd divulged enough and storm away from me. For now, though, he didn't. He nodded his head, still keeping his back to me. "Were they killed in action?"

Sasori's shoulders trembled with a scoff. "They were," he answered, his voice caustic and rough. "My grandmother tried to hide the fact from me for years. I can't remember much about them but the feeling of wanting them to come home, and of her telling me lies to hide why they were never going to. She would attempt explaining that their mission was delaying them, instead of facing the truth and admitting it had killed them."

I winced. To me, it sounded as if his grandmother had tried her best to protect him, but she'd only succeeded in hurting Sasori further. I inched forward then, until I was close enough to rest my hand on Sasori's back. He flinched at my touch, but to my immense surprise (and some pride) he didn't pull away. "Is that when you began to learn puppetry?" I asked, hoping to turn the conversation around to something that would lift Sasori's spirits. Sasori glanced at me then, and I caught a glimpse of someone vulnerable, someone empathetic instead of the normally stoic man I was so familiar with. I felt privileged, but also like I was handling a wild flame.

"Shortly after, yes. I was about six when my grandmother began to teach me," Sasori explained. "I believe she was doing it mostly to distract me, but the woman was skilled with chakra strings and in teaching me the artform, I give her that. I learned fast, and I soon began building my own." I found myself smiling at that, picturing a young Sasori training with puppets. Sasori glanced at his worktable then, as if contemplating something, but in the end, he decided against it. Instead, he turned to cut his eyes towards me. "Explain your Kekkei Genkai to me," he said, making me withdraw in surprise. "How does it work?"

Suspicion thrummed alongside my desire to explain. In the end, I could see Sasori was choosing to change the subject by way of asking another question, and I decided to indulge him. "It's complicated to explain," I admitted. "Alex and I had no one to really teach us about it, considering we lost our family so young. Certain people in our bloodline are born with it, it's like being born with an extra limb, that's how the element functions. Our parents and Alex were born with the unique ability of fire, but me?" I glanced down at my hands, "I'm bound to electricity."

Sasori, too, looked down at my hands. "And you can generate it to your will?"

"Well, sort of," I smiled. "Only small bursts, and it's very draining. I need electricity sources if I'm going to use it in a large battle. Lightning storms make me a force to be reckoned with," I winked. Sasori chuckled at that, his mask cracking bit by bit with me.

"Looks can be quite deceiving," he smirked. Oh, yes, they certainly could. "I bet others would want to abuse that power, though."

My expression darkened some as I flexed my fingers, wishing to brush that thought away. I didn't like the way Sasori had said it—so knowingly. "There've been people who wanted to use me as a weapon, as a power source. All things a kid like me didn't understand, but I was willing to try anything to put food or money in my bag." It was all I said, all I was willing to share of that story. Alex, too, had been as much a victim as I had. We were only hungry kids with a strength we didn't understand and at some points, couldn't control.

I started when Sasori rested a hand over mine, drawing me out of the dark memory. "Humans thirst for power," Sasori started, speaking carefully. "While I can't say that makes it all right, I can promise it won't happen to you again."

My eyes widened, shock and warmth rushing forward and coloring my face. Sasori's expression didn't change, didn't waver, but I could see it in his eyes, that distant promise. I wasn't sure which of us was playing the more dangerous game; Sasori, making me such a promise when I was in the hands of such an infamous organization, or me, who believed him. Still reeling, spurred on by that and my own recklessness, I leaned forward, and Sasori allowed me to kiss him.

_Mama I'm in love with a criminal and this type of love isn't rational, it's physical._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics belong to Criminal by Britney Spears!


	8. Chapter 8

That morning felt different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was warmer, somehow, safer. It made me burrow backwards into the inviting comfort instead of facing the morning like any responsible adult would do. Too bad a knock at the door disrupted me from my escape of adulthood.

"Knock, knock!" came two fast taps, and I groaned at the loud noise interrupting the morning. Behind me, Sasori sighed, and I felt his arm tighten around my waist. Ah—so that was why that morning felt so…different. Color suffused my cheeks, but I had no business feeling embarrassed. My sense of "personal space" had deteriorated some with Sasori, and he was finally getting the hang of it.

"Oi, Leader-sama delivered a mission to me this morning, yeah! We need to get going!" Deidara's voice shouted through the door, prompting an even deeper groan from me. I wasn't fond of the bomber, exactly, certainly not like Alex was. That in itself might contribute to part of my wariness. I didn't trust Deidara with my brother, and the fact that my brother was old enough to make his own decisions didn't negate my anxiety.

Sasori sat up immediately, his hair mussed from sleep. I covered my mouth to snicker at the sight of several red strands of flyaways. A half-awake Sasori was, indeed, attractive, however troubling that realization was. I shrugged the blankets off as I got up, feeling rushed to get ready before Deidara decided to come back. I was afraid of him finding out about Sasori and me, worried that his impulsiveness may put me in danger. Sasori himself had voiced a concern that their leader might look down upon any burgeoning relationships between Akatsuki members—or members and captives.

I was swinging my hair up into a short ponytail as Sasori and I left the room, with me trailing a little way behind him. Deidara and Alex were already in the living room, and to me, it looked like we'd interrupted an argument. Alex was standing with his hands on his hips and Deidara looked at us with relief when we came in.

Alex approached me as Deidara approached Sasori, the pair of them leading the way while I hung back to greet my brother. He hugged me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. It was a brief greeting, but apparently still too much for Deidara, who called at us to hurry up.

"Give us a minute!" Alex snapped back, his teeth clacking together in anger. The sudden abrasiveness startled me, for all that the two had appeared to be growing fonder of one another. The two of them reminded me too much of Deidara's bombs; fast, explosive, burning up the both of them.

Alex trudged on ahead of me, leaving me to bring up the rear. I wasn't too keen on lingering around too close to my simmering brother, despite my dying curiosity on what exactly was wrong between him and the blonde. Outside, Deidara was tossing two of his pearly white creations into the air, where they began to enlarge to a size big enough to seat two riders.

Wait a minute.

"No way," I began to shake my head, my lips pursing in denial. "I'm not getting on one of those, the air is meant for birds! Last I checked, I don't have wings!" There were ibrida who were born with wings, but I wasn't one of them, nor had I ever had the desire to be. I was made for walking on solid ground, anything higher than standing on a chair made my stomach do flips inside me.

"Amaya, there's no time to argue about this," Sasori said as he climbed atop one of the birds, with all the grace of someone who didn't think he was sitting on a death trap. He held a hand out for me, meanwhile Deidara and Alex were conveniently getting settled and ignoring the showdown about to happen. "We've lost time as it is, and this is the fastest way to travel.

I stood my ground, once again shaking my head in denial. Sasori sighed and, with one dismissive wave, saw the other two flying off. Alex aimed a piteous look in my direction, but pity wasn't about to do me much good. I flinched as Sasori hopped off the bird and started towards me. Old habits die hard, and I couldn't help wondering if I had just overstepped a limit and was about to find myself on the wrong side of his anger. Instead of raising a hand, or even raising his voice, Sasori came to a pause ahead of me. "What's wrong?" he asked, impatience hardening his tone, but clearly not enough for him to not concern himself.

My face warmed. I knew I was wasting time, but I couldn't bring myself to get on that bird. I could already picture myself falling off it. "It…it doesn't look safe," I stammered, only half true. I  _knew_  it wasn't safe.

Sasori glanced at the bird and then me, dubious. "I may not agree with the brat's idea of what art should be," Sasori said, "but his works are safe and they do what they need to. Now, are you done wasting time?"

I glanced between Sasori and the bird, my fingertips thrumming against my arm as I crossed them. It was then that something seemed to click in Sasori, as his eyes widened a fraction. "Are you afraid of heights?" he asked me, having connected the dots, his expression one of " _Really, that's it?"_

"So?" I retaliated, scuffing my shoe in the dirt. Heights never failed to make me feel like I was about to vomit my entire heart out. I'd never had to face that fear, I'd always chosen to stay on ground level like, you know, a normal person would.

Sasori exhaled through his nose. "All right," he said, taking my arm and beginning to lead me towards the bird, all the while I felt like a petulant kid. "Don't look down. Look straight ahead or close your eyes, flying isn't dangerous. Deidara's as reckless as they come, and even he's never taken a fall."

I grit my teeth as we neared the bird and Sasori gave me an expectant look. Yes, I'd heard all the tips before, and none of them were worth a crap, but Sasori was impossible to deny. So, I let him help me up on the bird, and hoped that when I inevitably died either from falling off or from a heart attack, he would regret putting me up there. Sasori settled beside me while I dug my nails into my own palms. It looked so easy to slide off the thing; what if the wind was strong, or we'd have to make a fast and bumpy escape and one of us slipped off—fuck, the bird was moving already.

The bird ascended, but I felt like I'd left my stomach on the ground. I didn't shut my eyes as Sasori had advised, I couldn't tear my gaze away from the forest floor as it shrank away below. The trees began to look tinier and tinier, until they appeared to belong in a dollhouse. It was all so far away. I was going to die up here, wasn't I? After everything I'd made it through, I was going to plummet to my death off this fucking bird.

"You're going to break it," a flat voice weaseled into my dismal thoughts. Startled, I glanced down to where I was clinging to Sasori's arm, holding it in a death grip.

Chagrined, I loosened my grip some. "S…sorry," murmured, hardly audible over the wind. I hadn't let go of Sasori, even if I was trying to be mindful not to cut off all circulation to his arm. I was shaking like a leaf, and that only made me more paranoid that I was liable to slip right off. Sasori sighed and, apparently having grown fed up with me, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to sit in his lap. I almost cried out at the motion, but once I was secure with his arms hugged around me, I found that I couldn't look over the edge of the bird anymore. All I could see was the vast expanse of the sky.

"You're okay, you aren't going to fall," Sasori murmured, close enough now that he didn't have to raise his voice. I buried my face against his shoulder as my fingers clung to his shirt, it was all I could do to stay calm. Sasori allowed me the comfort, his arms never wavering as he held me securely. Even way up in the sky, terrified out of my wits, Sasori was managing to make me feel safer. Like I could trust him with my life, should I choose to allow him in that far.

My heart was still racing, but its erratic rhythm was due to an entirely different reason.

* * *

It'd been a few hours since getting back home. The mission, as hazy as my memory was of it, had gone successfully. Deidara and Sasori had gone to deliver a scroll and a mission report to Pein-sama, leaving me to bask alone in the torrential confusion of my own feelings.

I felt safe, with Sasori. I felt like I could be myself. I didn't have to be brave or strong—and if I tried, he saw through the front. It was like he was breaking down and stepping over walls I hadn't even known existed. It made me feel raw, vulnerable, and alive. I was starting to fall into step with Sasori, and I was beginning to doubt how easy it would be to leave him.

Each morning I woke up and I wasn't sure what was going to happen, what my future would hold in the Akatsuki, but my constant was always Sasori. I'd come to trust in that. Sasori was steady and powerful, an anchor to my roiling ocean. We both complimented each other in that way; he kept me grounded and I provided him an outlet, I challenged him and kept him on his toes.

"You look deep in thought," an amused voice said. I started some, turning to look over my shoulder as Sasori came into the bedroom. He looked weary, but there was a smile on his face. I felt a fond smile tugging at my own lips just from the sight.

"Gotta keep myself busy when you're out," I shrugged. I hadn't gained enough trust for the others to want me out on my own, and I doubted I was brave enough to venture around too far without Sasori, not with men like Hidan lurking in the shadows of the base.

Sasori shed his cloak and then began to pull off his shirt, storing both away while I watched the enticing scene unfold. "What were you daydreaming about this time?" he asked, running a hand through his hair to get it back in order.

Absently, I leaned back against the pillows as Sasori approached the bed. "N…nothing special," I lied, unable to tear my eyes from the sultry tilt of Sasori's lips. He climbed atop the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight as he prowled towards me. I sunk into the blankets, sucking in a shallow breath as Sasori leaned down to capture my lips in a kiss.

"Are you getting used to being beneath me, girl?" Sasori whispered against my mouth. I smirked at the familiar nickname. I tilted my head to nip at Sasori's jawline, pinkening his skin some.

"Perhaps you'd like a taste of it?" I teased, garnering a quiet chuckle that rumbled in Sasori's chest. He nudged my head to the side, encouraging me to lift my chin up and expose my throat, where he pressed a series of kisses down to my collarbone. I shivered with a shaky groan of pleasure, reaching up to bury my fingers in his soft hair.

"So, this is a weak spot, mh?" the redhead mused, arrogance tinting his voice. I didn't have to see him to know he was smirking. I shuddered, sudden unease pooling in my chest. The affections felt nice, but things were moving fast, and I wasn't sure I could keep up. Gently, I pressed my hand against Sasori's chest to ask him to back up some.

"Sasori, wait," I said, trying to push as much confidence into my voice as I could. I didn't want to stop, not completely, but I also didn't want to let things get too far.

"What's the matter?" Sasori asked, leaning up some on his hands to look at me. I couldn't quite look him in the eyes, even as I let my open palm rest against his bare chest.

"I don't…I'm not ready to go that far, not tonight," I admitted, anxious of Sasori's reaction. I'd already prompted him to kiss me, I'd encouraged it, but…I was afraid of the power imbalance at play, should Sasori decide he didn't want to wait. I didn't want to be just a stress relief, just a quick one. That thought frightened me and it was what prompted me further. "I don't want to just be your whore." That was what happened to countless other homeless youth or rogues, I couldn't fathom it happening to me.

Sasori recoiled as if I'd burned him, and his expression was about as pained. "How lowly do you think of me?" he asked, and I winced. "I would never treat you as that. You are far above that, and if you wish to wait, that's your command and I'll listen to it."

Sasori pressed a chaste kiss to my quivering lips while I drank in his words. He was willing to wait—to wait for me? Even when I wasn't sure how long it was going to take? I didn't believe in waiting until true love, but I wanted to be comfortable, to be certain in sharing myself so completely with someone.

I kissed Sasori back, warmly, trying to convey my thanks through my actions.

I wasn't in love with Sasori yet, but I believed I was well on my way.

* * *

I had my jaw clenched tight as I struggled to stem the flow of tears. It was beginning to give me a headache, but it was better than letting myself cry freely and risking someone overhearing. I'd hidden myself away in a room that was in one of the farther corners of the base, an unused and dusty old room that had nothing inside but shadows to observe my weakness. I couldn't hold it all back any longer—I'd held out through the several weeks I'd spent in the Akatsuki base. I had screamed in rage, I had laughed in bliss, I had—

I'd done a lot, but I hadn't cried, and I needed to. I was crying for myself, for the loss of my old life, for my sister and how little I'd gotten to see her, and I was crying for Deidara and all the destruction surrounding him. I missed my life of wandering freedom. It wasn't perfect or elegant, but it was mine, and I'd liked it. I'd liked being free to roam where I wanted, visiting different places and meeting an array of strange, interesting folks who all had stories to tell. I missed being my own person without having to watch my every step, my every word…

Sure, Amaya and I had to be careful and watch our backs, but that was no different than here, was it? Deidara had told me he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, but sometimes I wondered how he was going to protect me from himself. He was the one who'd left my head in ruins, as if he'd set off a bomb inside me. The flames were sometimes weak, like sparks; other times they were a towering inferno that was swallowing me whole. The worst part about it? I liked burning.

My chest heaved with the effort to get enough air into my lungs without choking on my next sob. The tears were slowing, but now they felt more violent. I was so angry at the changes that had happened, even if my brain tried to tell me not all of them were for the worst. I wasn't hungry, and I hadn't been since the beginning of the mess. I was clean with clothes of my own, with a bed to sleep in that was safe from animals or rogue shinobi or sleazy strangers. I was with someone who made my heart skip a beat, sometimes for different reasons, admittedly.

But, was I truly safe? What could Deidara do to protect me from other members, to protect me from his leader who made the decisions, or to protect my sister? I winced upon picturing Amaya. I wanted to share with her everything that had happened. But, I was too afraid she would be ashamed of me, disgusted by my burgeoning, odd relationship with Deidara. I couldn't bring myself to admit my feelings even to her, but a part of me suspected she already had an inkling about what was going on. She, herself, appeared to be growing more amicable towards Sasori.

Birds of a feather, right?

I flinched when the door opened, a burst of adrenaline jumping through my heart and making it start to race. Deidara stood in the doorway, narrowing his eyes at me. "Finally," he grumbled, his shoulders sagging some. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you, yeah? I even asked Sasori!"

Shit, hopefully Sasori hadn't mentioned my absence to my sister. I offered a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders. I tried to duck my head, hoping that my hair might hide my eyes enough that Deidara wouldn't notice I'd been crying. No such luck for me, though. Deidara came closer, because once again, everything had to involve him at one point or another.

"Are you crying?" he asked, incredulous. I stubbornly grit my teeth and shook my head. I couldn't open my mouth to answer him, I was afraid if I did, a sob would escape instead of an explanation. Deidara didn't buy it, anyway. He approached me and knelt beside me, cupping my face so that he could turn me towards him instead of letting me glower at the ground.

His brow furrowed as I faced him, now that he could see the tears glistening on my face. Gently, his thumb swiped across my cheek, catching and wiping away the tears that had streaked down my face. "Why are you crying, Alex?" he asked, and the seriousness weighed heavily in my chest. It was so rare for him to use my name, Deidara preferred a litany of nicknames that he had for me. "What happened, yeah?"

"You happened," I muttered petulantly.

Deidara's eyes widened and he pulled back a little, a surprised scoff vacating his lips. "Me?" he asked, "what've I done this time, yeah?"

I pushed him the rest of the way back and stood up, watching as the blond managed to catch his balance and straighten up. Crossing my arms over my chest, I felt the words bubbling inside me, coming to a frothing boil. I'd kept so much bottled inside for the past god knows how long, and now it was all trying to escape me at once. I was a poster child for unhealthy coping mechanisms. "What haven't you done?" I asked, awed by Deidara's obliviousness. "You kidnapped me! You imprisoned me in this place and took away almost every freedom I had, you—you  _yokel_!"

Deidara blinked, looking completely baffled. I doubted he'd even understood what I'd called him, so that was a wasted insult. "Alex, I was trying to protect—"

"Shut up!" I snapped, cutting Deidara off in the middle of his sentence. "You brought me here, to a place full of ruthless people! I'm not any safer here than I was on my own, living a life of independence with my sister! We were doing just fine before you came along and…and blew everything up!"

I was panting by the time I'd finished ranting, and I was sure my face had colored in my rage. Deidara was silent, his fists clenched at his sides throughout my tantrum. Only after several seconds of silence, where I was sure he was waiting to make sure I was done, did he speak. "I brought you here to save your life," he said,  _pleaded_ , like he was trying desperately to get me to understand. "Sasori brought Amaya here to save  _her_  life. It would have been cruel to allow you to go off on your own! There are dangerous people here, Alex. People who wouldn't hesitate to rape and kill any innocent youth they come across. You could have been murdered, or trafficked. I wanted to give you the best chance you could have!"

I bitterly turned away from Deidara, frustrated moisture burning in my eyes. He was poking holes in my argument with logic that I'd been trying not to face. I missed my old life, but sometimes, only parts of it. Whenever I heard rain pelting down outside, or when it was chilly inside the base and I knew it would be freezing outside, and whenever my belly rumbled and I could sneak into the kitchen to get a bite for myself. Only then, I realized how well off I was doing compared to the malnourished and exhausted person I was before Deidara. Before Deidara had come into my life, I was surviving, we were making it, but now…things were different. It wasn't only "surviving" anymore, it was living, and that made me feel guilty. I felt like I shouldn't feel for Deidara the way I did, a captive shouldn't look at their captor in such a way. I shouldn't have allowed him to get so close.

"You're an Akatsuki member, you're a criminal," I pointed out, as if Deidara was somehow not aware of himself. "This can't…we're putting each other in danger!"

"Why are you so bent on me being a monster?" he finally asked, his voice dropping to a low timbre, the same that never failed to send a shiver down my back. I thought to myself, because it would make it easier to hate him. "You two were just kids on the street, you did things that weren't so innocent. You're just like me, yeah," Deidara told me, and something glinted in his eyes, something I didn't quite understand yet. "This place is confining, I understand. I didn't want to be here, either, but I was captured and recruited, I'm not that much different than you are, un. I want to keep you safe, why do you want to hate me so much?"

"I don't," I admitted, "that's the problem! What if we get in trouble, what if your leader catches us?" Silence ensued, and I started some when Deidara's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling my back against his chest. The familiar, earthy scent of clay reached my senses, and I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sink.

"I won't let anything hurt you, yeah. We'll abandon this place before I'll ever let that happen." Deidara's promise made me snort, but with how uncertain our future was, I couldn't disbelieve him. I could only tilt my head, offering my lips in a kiss that he took me up on.

We were playing with fire, and perhaps we were both ready to burn. After all, a phoenix can only start anew from its ashes.


	9. Chapter 9

The string Alex was tugging on was stretched thin, ready to snap off the couch at any second if he continued pulling on it. Never did he think that he would relate to a piece of string so much. He snorted at the realization, gazing sullenly as the poor string finally broke off into his fingers. A part of him felt sad that his little game was over, but most things did come to an end. And, when he gazed lower and found another string, he thought that perhaps that was a good sign that there would always be other things—other paths.

They might not all be good, but not everything could always be happy. It would be pretty fucking nice, though. Alex sighed as he drew his legs closer to his chest. The past few days had been tense, rife with turmoil until it'd all come to a head last night with Deidara. It'd made Alex realize how selfish and blind he was being to the fact that it wasn't only him caught in the paroxysm. Deidara was worried for him, worried for Alex's safety and comfort.

None of them were going to have it easy, here. But, Alex couldn't help remembering Deidara's promise that they would abandon the Akatsuki should things ever erupt to that point. What about Sasori? Alex wouldn't leave Amaya behind, he couldn't do that to her. Would she come with them, even if Sasori chose not to? Alex couldn't bear the thought. It stung him to think that it was a difficult choice between Deidara and his sister. They were two very different types of difficulty, because they were two vastly different types of attachment and love.

"You look upset," a gentle voice disturbed Alex's inner turmoil. He glanced to the side as Amaya took a seat beside him, then allowed himself to lean back until his back was leaning against her shoulder. If she minded the extra weight, she didn't say so. Her arm wrapped around Alex's waist and she rested her cheek against the top of his head, sighing in contentment. It was rare they had such privacy together. It was refreshing, like exfoliating their souls. Alex felt a smile tugging at his lips despite the anxieties still churning in his gut. "We're all fucked," Alex said, the bluntness of his words making his sister snort.

"So, I was right, about you and Deidara?" Amaya asked. Alex colored, but he nodded in clarification. Of course, Amaya had caught on. She'd been around for Alex's whole life, it'd been naïve to hope she might brush off the shared smiles, fond touches, and heated glances.

"Probably. Mostly," Alex answered. He waited a beat before going on, the silence calm and comforting instead of tense or impatient. "I didn't mean to. It just…sort of happened. It's like everything blew up in my face, for lack of a better description," Alex smirked, pleased when his comparison garnered a chuckle from his sister. "I mean, it's a lot like that, but I don't want it all to end like Deidara's art does. I want it to last. Everything happened so fast and it's been incredible, and terrifying, but…"

Alex didn't need to finish his sentence for Amaya to catch on to what that "but" might mean. She knew. She knew as well as Alex did that they were tangled up in a dangerous game. Unlike Alex's descent, though, hers had been gradual, purposeful. It was carefully crafted and precise, as Sasori viewed his art; meant to last. Even so, she could tell Alex was equally as afraid of what might happen should anyone else in the Akatsuki find out. Their leader had said they were to live under Sasori and Deidara's control, and that the two men could do with them what they willed. Amaya doubted that included a bond such as the ones they'd created. Romance entailed protectiveness, it meant that Sasori had sworn to her he would put her above near everything else—but asking him to put her above a mission's success? She couldn't do that. Amaya didn't want to jeopardize Sasori's life or what he'd built as a member of the Akatsuki, working towards a shared goal.

What would happen to them if they were to leave? They would have to live on the run, in hiding. They weren't safe now, but they certainly wouldn't be much safer when on the run. Amaya shook her head to clear the thoughts; if things were to come to that, they would, but hopefully any rash decision making was some ways off. It would only come down to that if someone within the Akatsuki threatened them, threatened either their lives or their relationship. Until then, things were on shaky, but solid ground.

"I know you're worried. I am too," Amaya sighed, "but we can't look into the future with fear, we need to take each day at a time and enjoy it, okay?" She hugged Alex with the arm she had around his waist. "I'm…I'm happy, for you and Deidara. I was worried about how he was treating you, I guess I didn't have much to worry about, huh?"

Privately, Alex recalled the moments that might have caused his sister to worry, but those were in the past. Far enough back for him to hardly consider them, now. "It got off to a rocky start, but something seemed to click. It was like he came and knocked something into place that I didn't know I needed. Besides, I can take care of myself. He's nothing but an overgrown kid," Alex snickered. Deidara was a couple of years older, but hardly acted it. "You, though?" Alex glanced at Amaya, "I never would have pictured you with Sasori."

Yeah, neither had she. Amaya hummed and tilted her head back to rest against the couch. "I don't know. I never pictured myself with anyone, honestly," she admitted. Amaya's life had always been about Alex, ever since the fire and the loss of their home and parents. She'd never had the time to wonder about the kind of person she might end up with, or the type she was even attracted to. She thought people of all genders to be attractive, but beyond that? She hadn't had the time to explore. When Sasori had first come into her life, she'd hated him, she'd wanted to be angry and vengeful. As the weeks wore on and she began to see more of him, it tugged at her heart in ways that only made her angrier.

Who was he, to make her feel such troubling, baffling things? Who was he to frustrate and confuse her when she wanted to hate him?

"One thing always leads to another, I guess," Amaya airily finished. Her burgeoning love for Sasori was building strong, building into something to stand the test of time. "I don't think what you have for Deidara is fleeting. For this one thing, I think he'll agree with Sasori's view about beautiful things being everlasting." She kissed the top of Alex's head. "Besides," Amaya continued, waiting until she heard Alex hum in question.

"No matter what happens, we've got each other, and our bond is unbreakable."


	10. Chapter 10

Explosions lit up the night sky, spilling vibrant colors across the inky black canvas. Greens met reds, blues met oranges, yellows met violets, all in a thrilling display that sent muffled "booms" echoing through the land. Alex watched the show with delight in his eyes, leaning forward as far as Deidara was willing to let him go. The blond had his arms enveloped around the smaller man, where they were camped out on the grassy hill for the night. It was a solo mission, but of course, "solo" always included Alex, now. Deidara thought that everything included Alex.

Alex grinned as Deidara released another flurry of small clay bombs, the fireworks far from over. The ibrida wasn't quite sure when he'd aimlessly wandered off that cliff and fallen for Deidara, but all things considered, it wasn't too bad. The fall had been absolutely wrecking at first, but Deidara had been there to catch Alex, once Alex had finally acknowledged that and stopped trying to fall into a pit of despair. Leaning back, the younger boy pressed his mouth against Deidara's neck, where a smattering of hickeys already adorned tanned skin. "It's beautiful," Alex said against Deidara's ear.

Deidara shrugged with a smug smirk. "You're a pretty good catch yourself, yeah," he kidded, earning a little nudge from Alex. Where there had once been vehement arguments with raised voices and painful consequences, be it from a shocking bracelet or a thrown fist from certain parties, there was now playful banter. Maybe Deidara wasn't the only explosive one in the relationship, Alex had to concede that. "This is what our lives will be like if we have to leave. I can give you the sky," Deidara murmured, pressing a kiss to Alex's temple.

Alex still didn't like thinking about the possibility of what the future may bring, though he knew Deidara had to stay on his toes and think of every possible outlet. He was the one who would have to pay attention and anticipate their secret getting discovered. Alex still felt guilty for that, but he reminded himself how Deidara wasn't a willing member of the Akatsuki, just like he and Amaya weren't. Sometimes, Alex suspected that Deidara was eager to leave and that he was only waiting on a valid enough excuse. It would be a risky endeavor, that was probably the only reason Deidara was searching for a good reason. Alex couldn't fault him; being in the Akatsuki, regardless of being a captive, made him feel like he had constant eyes on him at all times. One wrong move would be catastrophic.

"You know, I never thought I'd grow up to be a rogue criminal," Alex mused, feigning a thoughtful expression while Deidara huffed out a laugh.

"What did you think you'd be, then?" Deidara asked, curious of what Alex might say. From the talks that had risked going deep enough, Deidara had learned enough about Alex's past to understand that it was thin ice, much like his own was. Deidara had confided the dark parts of himself to Alex, at one point hoping it might frighten the boy away, but it only had succeeded in drawing Alex closer. Deidara wasn't sure if Alex thought he could fix him, because there was no fixing a disaster, but Alex still seemed determined to patch Deidara up.

Alex twisted his mouth to the side in thought. "I was pretty young, but I think the last real thing I saw myself doing as an adult was working with literature. I loved books and libraries, and I saw a future in them. Now, though, I wonder if I might be too restless. I'm becoming a little addicted to flying with you," Alex smiled.

Deidara cocked a brow, trying to picture Alex working in a library, organizing or perhaps writing scrolls. Alex was bookish (god knows Alex had torn through the books Deidara brought back for him like a hurricane) but he was also full of wanderlust, hungering for new places and savoring the sights. A life on the run, with the occasional stop for a good story, suited Alex much better. Deidara aimed to give his boy that life. "You would have been the library cat," Deidara said flatly.

"Yeah?" Alex started, "you're cattier than I am, you ever met yourself? You like to sun yourself and you're prissy about how I touch you. All you'd need to do is grow your painted claws out," he quipped. Deidara burst out in a laugh that got swallowed whole by the sound of one of the bombs going off. Alex had certainly flourished in his sarcasm, growing brazen over the past months. Affectionately, Deidara ruffled Alex's hair.

"Watch it, un. I'll start bringing a spray-bottle with me," the bomber warned. Alex didn't take the threat to heart. Deidara had deactivated the bracelet some weeks ago, and unless he wanted that pretty face scarred, he'd watch himself. Pein-sama had not been alerted to the deactivation, and Alex suspected Amaya's own was now nothing but decoration as well. It was so they could defend themselves should another member threaten them, like Hidan had tormented Amaya in the beginning, and Alex attracted stares in near every town Deidara took him to. The blond had gotten sick of it and decided if Alex was going to draw in trouble, he could punch trouble in the face on his own.

Falling quiet, Alex huddled backwards against his lover, seeking warmth against the early spring chill. With how uncertain the future may be, he wanted to soak up all the soft moments he could. Someday there may come a time where moments like these were hard to come by, and Alex was selfish when it came to his time with Deidara.

So, until then, Alex would enjoy the leisure that he and Deidara could afford. Every time he closed his eyes, he dreamed of an ocean inside bright blue eyes; and when he opened them he faced a florid explosion.

But, perhaps their love didn't have to be transient.

* * *

Winter was officially over, but there were still some lingering effects. I peered out of the window as I wrapped my towel tighter around myself, watching as glistening snowflakes were beginning to pile up on the ground. I'd have to remind myself to be careful when I went outside next, I was clumsier than hell and the ice wouldn't be helping, though it should melt soon. I loved the colder months, but I'd spent as long as I could under the shower to soak up the inviting warmth, letting it seep into my bones to ward off any chill. All the same, instead of dressing smartly, I threw on one of Sasori's shirts, letting the fabric swallow me whole. I ran my hand through my hair, noting that my locks had grown out and they were now about to my shoulders. It was a marker as to how much time had passed. I was still reeling a bit from the sudden change everything had taken. Sometimes, I wondered if my feelings were serious, or if I'd managed to get a case of Stockholm Syndrome. Well, if I had, perhaps I'd keep that bit to myself.

A warm chest pressed against my back, startling me some and prompting me to gasp. "You have to stop sneaking up on me," I huffed, nudging my elbow against Sasori's side.

"Perhaps you should start paying better attention," the older man remarked.

Slyly trailing my fingers along Sasori's arm, I hummed in thought. "You know, most people have the courtesy not to sneak up on a lady." I was pushing it by calling myself a lady, but all was fair in love and war, and sometimes those things went hand in hand.

Sasori chuckled, a low rumble near my ear that made me shiver. "Some men aren't as nice as I am," Sasori said, his hands sliding around my waist. His fingers squeezed against my hips, tugging me back against him. "They might sneak up to take advantage of the certain lady."

Well, two could play that game, even if one player didn't have much experience. I turned in his grasp enough so that I could press my lips against his jawline, where I left a series of kisses up to his mouth. Sasori leaned down to further the kiss as I pulled away, wearing a playful smirk. "You know, the lady can probably take care of herself," I said, to which Sasori arched a brow.

He caught my chin in his fingertips and tilted my head up, bringing my mouth back to his, right where he wanted me. "Maybe she should watch her mouth," he murmured, finally kissing me. I had a hunch there were some…implications behind that, a promise that I wanted to see him go through with. It had been a few weeks since I had shut down Sasori's advances, and while that time seemed miniscule to some, it was just enough for me to gain the confidence and comfort I wanted to pursue Sasori's affections.

With my face heated in a flush, I wrapped my fingers around Sasori's wrist, where his hand rested chastely on my waist. "What would the man do if she didn't?" I asked, batting my eyelashes when Sasori pulled back to look at me, as if doubting that I knew what I was doing. I knew very well I was provoking him, I was counting on it.

After a moment of collecting himself, Sasori smirked. "This," he answered, raising his right hand. I didn't see the chakra strings as he spun me around and pulled me forward against his chest, where I fell into his embrace. One of his arms wrapped around me, his hand pressing against the small of my back while his free hand held the back of my head, drawing me into a fierce kiss. It was the harshest we'd shared, all heavy passion instead of cautious chastity. We were no longer exploring, we were delving right into what we both knew we wanted. I was the one who wanted to take the kiss further, I nipped Sasori's lower lip hard enough for him to open his mouth and grant me what I sought. My tongue slipped past his soft lips and into his mouth, coaxing him to reciprocate. His teeth hinted at my tongue in retaliation for my biting at him.

I shuddered when Sasori's hand slipped beneath my shirt, resting against my back. When we broke away, we panted against one another's mouths, my chest heaving as I caught my breath. "You cheat," I exhaled, curling my fingers against Sasori's bare chest.

"You lose," he smiled. Feeling challenged, I smirked at the man, spreading my fingers against his shoulders and shoving him backwards. The backs of his legs hit the bed and he collapsed onto the mattress. I approached him, sauntering towards him as he pushed up onto his elbows to watch me crawl atop him, straddling his waist. Leaning down, hovering above his face, I traced Sasori's open lips with the tip of my tongue. "I'm pretty sure I won," I grinned, cocksure and hazy from the lust pouring into my veins.

Sasori, once he'd recovered, brought his hands up to slide them along my back. I'd yet to put on anything beneath the shirt, and that became more apparent as he pushed the fabric up. "You're still tense," he pointed out, pressing his fingertips into the muscles of my back.

Feeling bold, I rocked my hips down as I cocked my head at Sasori. "Well, do you think you could help me with that?" I asked him, feigning innocence when what we were doing was anything but. I heard Sasori swallow, but right when I'd thought I'd finally caught him off guard, he leaned up and flipped me over onto the mattress. I gasped as I bounced on the soft cotton, glancing over my shoulder as Sasori prowled above me. I remembered once feeling much like prey when in front of the man; now I felt the same, but for entirely different (and better) reasons.

Sasori's fingers pressed into my shoulders first, massaging against the tension of my muscles as he kneaded down to between my shoulder blades. I groaned in appreciation, arching like a needy cat beneath Sasori's skilled hands as he rubbed his hands down my back, coaxing me to relax. My skin flushed as he slipped his hands beneath the shirt I was wearing, pushing it up and revealing me inch by inch. I leaned up to slip out of the shirt one sleeve at a time, not bothering to watch to see where Sasori tossed it.

Sasori leaned down over me, his thumbs pressing circles into my lower back. "Beautiful," he murmured against my ear. My tension dissolved into Sasori's hands as he skimmed his palms up my back, as if he were soaking it all up. Goosebumps were now rising onto my skin as Sasori splayed his fingers out, grazing them against my sides as they traversed me. "You're good with your hands," I teased, rolling onto my back. I listened as Sasori's breath hitched, clearly not expecting me to be that brazen yet. I wasn't expecting it either, but I had nothing to hide, anymore. My breasts had been pressed into the mattress beneath me, but my nipples had grown hard with the cold air and the deft attention, now tight pink buds.

I was still nervous, but my desire was beating my anxiety with a broom at that point. I wrapped my arms around Sasori as he leaned down to kiss me, raw passion conveyed through that tiny connection as our mouths melded together. Teeth nipped at lips and tongues teased at one another, until my chest heaved with breathlessness and Sasori's hands had begun to slide up my waist, palms skidding up my abdomen and towards my chest. I opened my mouth with a moan when his fingertips, cool and calloused from years of work, began to roll my nipples between themselves. His forefinger and thumb tugged at my sensitive buds, sending out sharp tingles of pleasure that made me squirm beneath Sasori.

Sasori's mouth found my neck in the absence of my mouth, sucking several marks onto my throat that I would be proud to bear. I reached out, scratching my nails up Sasori's back. A growl rumbled in Sasori's chest as he pressed his body against mine, my breasts squishing against his chest as he captured my mouth in another hungry kiss. I wanted to consume, I wanted him to devour me. He pinched at my nipples and I whimpered into his mouth, nudging my thigh against his leg as I encouraged him to take off the last clothes barring us; his pants.

Once he'd stripped as bare as I was, I let my hand sneak down between our bodies to grasp at his erection. I circled my fingers around it as I started to stroke Sasori, listening as his breathing became heavy and quick against the crook of my neck. I enjoyed the inkling of control I'd gotten as I stroked him to full hardness, precum smearing against my hand and serving as fair lubricant. Sasori thrust his hips into my palm, his throaty groan making me shiver in response, deriving pleasure just from feeling and listening to Sasori come apart in my hand. His erection was hot in my hand as I pumped him, pulling away with a final rub of my thumb against his leaking head.

Sasori's hands were between my legs, coaxing my thighs apart to open myself to him more. I sucked in a sharp breath when I felt his fingertips stroke against my sex. My earlier comment about him being good with his hands held up as he took me apart, his thumb rubbing teasing circles against my clitoris while he pressed his fingers into my sex. I was wet enough that he hardly met resistance, though I still winced at the initial entry, to which he hushed me until I felt comfortable as he stroked his fingers in and out of me. The gentle pressure he used to rub against my clitoris kept me right on the edge, until I was pushing myself down against his fingers and all but begging for him to finish me.

When he pulled his hand away I cried out in frustration. Sasori's laugh was breathless above me as he leaned back, settling between my spread legs. "You want more, princess?" he asked me, the old nickname sending a flutter through my belly as I nodded, murmuring my pleas. His lips found mine as he pressed the tip of his cock against me, sliding inside of my slick entrance slowly. I cringed, digging my fingertips into his shoulders as he filled me. It was painful, an uncomfortable stretch that left an ache, but it was nothing compared to the ache of my want. My knees pressed against Sasori's waist as he finally came to a rest, allowing me a moment to adjust. I drew him close, my breathing heavy and shaky.

It was slow. Sasori moved his hips carefully, his hands reverent on me as he stroked my face and my chest down across my abdomen. I whined when his fingers found my clitoris again, rubbing against me as his hips began to rock a little faster. I shared a tender kiss with Sasori, a tense pressure building in my abdomen that made my voice begin catching in my throat in little whimpers. It was a gradual rise to the peak, where I moaned Sasori's name as my body trembled in his grasp. I cried out as he continued rolling his hips into mine, his cock dragging against my convulsing walls through my orgasm and making me whine in oversensitive bliss.

Sasori spilled inside of me in a hot flood that left me shuddering, dazed from our finishes. I flinched as he pulled from my spent body, a body I knew would be sore later. For now, though, I was content to let Sasori pull me against his chest. I wanted to sink against him and bask, to fall asleep and know I'd wake up to him. "I love you," I whispered, the first I'd ever said. It was the strongest I'd ever felt it.

Sasori stilled, and for a moment I felt terror bubble through my warm haze. I feared I'd overstepped a boundary until, in a gentle motion, Sasori leaned down and caught me in another kiss. It was sweet, sensual instead of carnal. "I love you too," he reassured, pecking my lips a final time. I smiled, my eyes beginning to drift shut. I had once longed for so much, for so many things I could hardly name them. In that moment, though, I wanted for nothing.

My longing had been fulfilled, and I intended for it to be everlasting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another of my old stories remastered! Thank you for sticking around for the ride, regardless if you're an old reader rereading or a new one just checking in!
> 
> Not entirely detailed sexual content because I absolutely didn't want to write it lmao, I'm so sorry. I'm just really not into writing sex lately, but I wanted to offer a little suggestive content at least, it's just not the perverse lewdfest I once wrote.
> 
> Literally I was writing this and my brain was screaming the word "THRUST!" at me instead of anything useful, if that speaks of how dead my brain was when it came to writing smut. Rip.
> 
> Side note: this is fanfiction and not meant to represent safe sex or healthy relationships in any capacity!


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